But then I went to the gym at 9pm and at this point normally my will power wold get the best of me. But I went and did 20 minutes on the bike and 20 minutes on the treadmill. They had Kylie's recent tour playing on one of the music channels and I found myself really enjoying it. Possibly more than when I actually went. I wish I had been drunk and with a close friend when I went. To the tour, not the gym. I think I would have enjoyed it so much more. Although that does apply to both.
Then I went to Sainsburys, excited at the prospect of now having a 24 hours supermarket. It was shut. It goes 24 hours as of Wednesday. *sigh*
So instead I went home and cleaned the bathroom. I put on my shuffle, listened to Santogold, Siobhan Donaghy, Madonna and The Knife and scrubbed, vaccumed and mopped. All on a Friday night at 11:30pm! But this is not the weirdness that I am writing about.
No, last night I had what they call 'cybersex'.
A guy I worked with at a REALLY straight men's magazine back in 06 opened up the new chat function on Facebook. I was surprised as we both added each other when Facebook kicked off and then had barely spoken. In fact I think this was the first time. He asked me how I was and then about the magazine that I recently posed naked for. This is when it got weird.
I explained that I hadn't scanned it yet and he kept saying he wanted to see it. Having always thought he was straight, I was a little confused. I just brushed it off until he said, 'You seem surprised?' He then went on to say how he was bi-curious and although he had never done anything with guys, he fantasised over pictures and had phone-sex and cyber-sex.
Now, I think the name cyber-sex sounds ridiculous but I was there thinking, 'Oh, he needs someone to help him come out of the closet, how cute. I'll be that person!' only to find myself getting involved in some online one night stand.
He said he had been looking at my pictures and although he was fussy, he really liked me. I told him to shut up and that he had drunk too much. But the conversation continued and I explained that he wasn't my type.
But then we started to talk dirty. Or is that write dirty? Well, whatever it is, we were doing it. I found the whole situation a bit weird as I wasn't really that turned on, well, OK a little, but not as much as he was making out he was. He wanted to hear me groan on the phone and I said that would just be weird. But not because it was phone-sex just because I knew him.
So we carried on and then he tells me he's come.
We have pillow talk afterwards - can we still call it that? And I tell him he should get out there and try it for real. I said, 'Don't spend your life wondering 'What if?'. But he patronisingly replied, 'Well, it's not as big a step for me as it was for you.' Meaning that because he was bi-curious, he didn't need to tell anyone. I am not convinced...
But then he said, 'Anyway, no offence but it was always pretty obvious you were gay, you liked Mariah Carey.'
Now I realise liking Mariah probably does make me a big old 'mo but it still hurts to hear that it's 'obvious'. That would possibly be because I still have issues with it which is fine. I recognise that. But I kind of resented the fact that this guy had used me to get off and then told me it was always obvious I was a big gay and that people were laughing at me for not coming out sooner. (Ok, I added the last part but that's kind of how it feels).
So, I am not convinced by cyber-sex and still think the name is ridiculous. I doubt we'll speak again.
But yes, I felt like Carrie...
No comments:
Post a Comment