Third Time's The Charm.

That's the saying, right? Hmm...well, I just feel depressed.

I've been in touch with this guy for a month now but I think he has actually managed to cancel on me more times than we've actually met up. This morning he cancelled on me for the third time. He says he's going to make it up to me but I'm like, 'You know what? This already hurts, maybe I should cut my losses (and my ties) and just move on?' But that's tough.

It's the first time I've met someone in a really long time who might actually want to take things further than a one night stand and to say 'Goodbye' to that...well, I'm not sure I'm ready.

But at the same time I feel I need to be strong because otherwise it could get worse. If he's not respecting me now, well, there's not many places to go are there? I don't know...the reasons all sound fairly genuine but at the same time, the way he's talked about sex in the past make me think that he could just as easily be having sex with other guys and then just pushing me back.

But why turn up to my birthday?

Why make me a CD?

Why say 'I like you and was nervous before we met up.'

UPDATE: I have since spoken to friends who say he's probably been out partying Friday night, slept with someone else and was just putting me off as he was hungover.

Now I don't know what to think. I want to text him the following...'Hey, if you want to end it, that's cool, just tell me now so I know what's going on.' But I don't know if that is making too much of something that would only freak him out.

I know when Barry used to email me I felt like he was putting some kind of emotional pressure on me that only made me run further.

But I was really looking forward to today and now the day has been wasted. I didn't even make it to the gym.

At the moment, I really hate the weekends as I just end up moping around thinking how lonely I am. I want to talk through situations till I'm sick of them.

No, I want to talk through a situation til something positive comes out of it.

OK, my decision is not to text him now, and not to text him at all. Until he texts me, then not suggest meeting up til he does.

But I don't want to be too passive. This is so fucking stupid.