I had this dream a few days ago now and have been meaning to blog about it but never seem to quite get round to it. I dreamt I was hanging out with Dannii Minogue and we were chatting away. God knows what about, but I was having a blast.
Then I realised that her face was pumped full of botox. So much that she could hardly move her face. In fact it was like she was wearing the Phantom of the Opera mask. From the corners of her mouth upwards - expressionless. Creepy.
That was pretty much it but scary nonetheless.
The other dream I had recently was where I was sleeping with Jay-Z. We were literally in bed together but for some reason I was only sleeping with him to piss Beyonce off. Plus in my dream he was a lot better looking.
Sunday, 12 October 2008
Sunday, 5 October 2008
Is this a little sick?
After an evening of watching hopeful X Factor candidates pass/fail tonight, I can only compare our situations...granted it's in some twisted fashion but I saw the parallel.
Every year you get the sob stories, 'Oh, I'm doing this for my wife who died, she loved hearing me sing,' 'I'm doing this for my father who passed away last year and was always telling me to go for things like this' or the classic, 'I'm just doing this for me and my family so we can live a better life.' There are those stories which are not quite so moving - 'I'm a waitress in a swanky restaurant and I don't want to be serving celebrities any more, I just want to be one,' 'My little village in Ireland is so small no one realises it exists, I just want to put it on the map,' or the classic, 'My town Bridgend has hit the press recently as there were a bunch of teen suicides. Did I know any of them? No, but I want to bring some good news to my village.'
So where do I relate? Well to be honest I've just totally lost my focus for this blog. I was going to write about how much I wanted to be going out with Stephen. Then I figured that was kind of lame to be wanting a relationship with someone that much and that not only should no person ever have that much control over me but also I don't want to be my Mother and just settle in a relationship just for the sake of it, even if that means it isn't right for me.
I don't want to talk to anyone. I actually want to go back to work because it takes my mind off him. But even as I write this, I realise it all sounds so much of a cliche.
ENOUGH!
Every year you get the sob stories, 'Oh, I'm doing this for my wife who died, she loved hearing me sing,' 'I'm doing this for my father who passed away last year and was always telling me to go for things like this' or the classic, 'I'm just doing this for me and my family so we can live a better life.' There are those stories which are not quite so moving - 'I'm a waitress in a swanky restaurant and I don't want to be serving celebrities any more, I just want to be one,' 'My little village in Ireland is so small no one realises it exists, I just want to put it on the map,' or the classic, 'My town Bridgend has hit the press recently as there were a bunch of teen suicides. Did I know any of them? No, but I want to bring some good news to my village.'
So where do I relate? Well to be honest I've just totally lost my focus for this blog. I was going to write about how much I wanted to be going out with Stephen. Then I figured that was kind of lame to be wanting a relationship with someone that much and that not only should no person ever have that much control over me but also I don't want to be my Mother and just settle in a relationship just for the sake of it, even if that means it isn't right for me.
I don't want to talk to anyone. I actually want to go back to work because it takes my mind off him. But even as I write this, I realise it all sounds so much of a cliche.
ENOUGH!
Saturday, 4 October 2008
Third Time's The Charm.
That's the saying, right? Hmm...well, I just feel depressed.
I've been in touch with this guy for a month now but I think he has actually managed to cancel on me more times than we've actually met up. This morning he cancelled on me for the third time. He says he's going to make it up to me but I'm like, 'You know what? This already hurts, maybe I should cut my losses (and my ties) and just move on?' But that's tough.
It's the first time I've met someone in a really long time who might actually want to take things further than a one night stand and to say 'Goodbye' to that...well, I'm not sure I'm ready.
But at the same time I feel I need to be strong because otherwise it could get worse. If he's not respecting me now, well, there's not many places to go are there? I don't know...the reasons all sound fairly genuine but at the same time, the way he's talked about sex in the past make me think that he could just as easily be having sex with other guys and then just pushing me back.
But why turn up to my birthday?
Why make me a CD?
Why say 'I like you and was nervous before we met up.'
UPDATE: I have since spoken to friends who say he's probably been out partying Friday night, slept with someone else and was just putting me off as he was hungover.
Now I don't know what to think. I want to text him the following...'Hey, if you want to end it, that's cool, just tell me now so I know what's going on.' But I don't know if that is making too much of something that would only freak him out.
I know when Barry used to email me I felt like he was putting some kind of emotional pressure on me that only made me run further.
But I was really looking forward to today and now the day has been wasted. I didn't even make it to the gym.
At the moment, I really hate the weekends as I just end up moping around thinking how lonely I am. I want to talk through situations till I'm sick of them.
No, I want to talk through a situation til something positive comes out of it.
OK, my decision is not to text him now, and not to text him at all. Until he texts me, then not suggest meeting up til he does.
But I don't want to be too passive. This is so fucking stupid.
I've been in touch with this guy for a month now but I think he has actually managed to cancel on me more times than we've actually met up. This morning he cancelled on me for the third time. He says he's going to make it up to me but I'm like, 'You know what? This already hurts, maybe I should cut my losses (and my ties) and just move on?' But that's tough.
It's the first time I've met someone in a really long time who might actually want to take things further than a one night stand and to say 'Goodbye' to that...well, I'm not sure I'm ready.
But at the same time I feel I need to be strong because otherwise it could get worse. If he's not respecting me now, well, there's not many places to go are there? I don't know...the reasons all sound fairly genuine but at the same time, the way he's talked about sex in the past make me think that he could just as easily be having sex with other guys and then just pushing me back.
But why turn up to my birthday?
Why make me a CD?
Why say 'I like you and was nervous before we met up.'
UPDATE: I have since spoken to friends who say he's probably been out partying Friday night, slept with someone else and was just putting me off as he was hungover.
Now I don't know what to think. I want to text him the following...'Hey, if you want to end it, that's cool, just tell me now so I know what's going on.' But I don't know if that is making too much of something that would only freak him out.
I know when Barry used to email me I felt like he was putting some kind of emotional pressure on me that only made me run further.
But I was really looking forward to today and now the day has been wasted. I didn't even make it to the gym.
At the moment, I really hate the weekends as I just end up moping around thinking how lonely I am. I want to talk through situations till I'm sick of them.
No, I want to talk through a situation til something positive comes out of it.
OK, my decision is not to text him now, and not to text him at all. Until he texts me, then not suggest meeting up til he does.
But I don't want to be too passive. This is so fucking stupid.
Friday, 3 October 2008
Thursday, 2 October 2008
My new crush
I still have some special love for Francois Sagat but this is my current crush...
Couldn't find any clips of him as Morris in 24 so here's something else.
Couldn't find any clips of him as Morris in 24 so here's something else.
Friends & Lovers
Two weeks ago, I met someone in a club. We got on really well. The next day he tracked me down on Facebook and we became friends.
For the following two weeks we emailed each other pretty much every day. We met up at a gig on Monday and before long were making out. (Please can someone give me a better term?)
I suggested he come back to mine and he said, 'I know what gays are like. I quite like you, so I don't think it's a good idea.'
People have laughed but I suggested he come back and we do nothing. It was cold outside and I fancied having someone to hug in my bed. He came back, made the first move and we fooled around.
But everything seemed fine, we got on ok and the next morning we said goodbye with zero awkwardness.
I emailed him when I got into work and now nothing.
I am REALLY annoyed. It's like, 'Why tell me you don't want to sleep with me for fear that I won't talk to you when it's YOU who's ignoring my emails?!'
It makes me furious. I'm not even sure I want to sleep with him again but now it looks like we can't even be friends.
For the following two weeks we emailed each other pretty much every day. We met up at a gig on Monday and before long were making out. (Please can someone give me a better term?)
I suggested he come back to mine and he said, 'I know what gays are like. I quite like you, so I don't think it's a good idea.'
People have laughed but I suggested he come back and we do nothing. It was cold outside and I fancied having someone to hug in my bed. He came back, made the first move and we fooled around.
But everything seemed fine, we got on ok and the next morning we said goodbye with zero awkwardness.
I emailed him when I got into work and now nothing.
I am REALLY annoyed. It's like, 'Why tell me you don't want to sleep with me for fear that I won't talk to you when it's YOU who's ignoring my emails?!'
It makes me furious. I'm not even sure I want to sleep with him again but now it looks like we can't even be friends.
Sunday, 28 September 2008
Why can't I be happy for people?
I believe this blog is for exorcising my thoughts whether positive or negative and the main reason for it, is to act as a diary. Of course there is an exhibitionist tendency to it but it's mainly for me.
Recently I have started seeing someone. I don't really know what the situation is between us. I know I get excited, or rather I used to get excited, when I thought about him. I still do get excited when I hear from him but I have also come to think that it is not meant to be. Mainly because I find it is me who does most of the texting, it is me who shows their affection more and then there's the fact that he often talks about having sex with other people. I don't think it's been going on since we've been seeing each other so part of me thinks it's OK but surely if you were even HALF-arsed about someone, you wouldn't start checking guys out, saying they're hot and then talking about how much sex you've had. Is that not a conversation for later on?
Right now, it ain't all roses. There have been things which are really cute. We met for my birthday on Wednesday and he made me a CD, even printing off the cover at work. There is the cute message he wrote inside. When I mentioned a drag act that I had seen, he suggested we went and he also turned up to my party on Friday (but then left without saying goodbye). After I spent the night at his, he said, 'Come meet the family' and showed me his photos.
I can't decide whether it is more fun having this see-saw kind of lifestyle or if it is easier just having nothing. What I find even harder is talking to people about it. I got excited about it at the beginning. It was going well, he seemed really into me (and still does, at times) so I told everyone. But now when people ask I have to answer, 'I haven't heard from him.'
It's almost like that feeling of when you come out, you have to do it over and over and over again. Except here I have to tell them over and over again that I've not heard from him. In the grand scheme of things this really is not a big deal but at the same time, it hurts and the re-telling only re-emphasises it.
This is painful enough, as I have never been in this situation, but then when two of your friends enter new relationships, where everything is 100% perfect, it makes it even harder. They talk about how everything is going so well and I am left thinking, 'Hmmm, well, I guess not talking for three days isn't so bad.'
I know that makes me sound nasty, jealous, spoilt, cunty and just generally wrong in the head, but like I said it's how I feel and I hope that in writing this, people might just go, 'You know, that's OK, that's vaguely understandable.' Maybe they won't and maybe I AM all those things. I'd like to think not though...
Anyway I am really happy for my freinds and really do wish nothing but the best for them but I have found myself not asking as many questions about how it's going as hearing the answers makes me sad. It's really shit as I am 100% happy for them I just wish I was completely single or completely loved up too as I would be able to be excited for them and not just left comparing my own situation.
That sounded really self-obsessed...
Recently I have started seeing someone. I don't really know what the situation is between us. I know I get excited, or rather I used to get excited, when I thought about him. I still do get excited when I hear from him but I have also come to think that it is not meant to be. Mainly because I find it is me who does most of the texting, it is me who shows their affection more and then there's the fact that he often talks about having sex with other people. I don't think it's been going on since we've been seeing each other so part of me thinks it's OK but surely if you were even HALF-arsed about someone, you wouldn't start checking guys out, saying they're hot and then talking about how much sex you've had. Is that not a conversation for later on?
Right now, it ain't all roses. There have been things which are really cute. We met for my birthday on Wednesday and he made me a CD, even printing off the cover at work. There is the cute message he wrote inside. When I mentioned a drag act that I had seen, he suggested we went and he also turned up to my party on Friday (but then left without saying goodbye). After I spent the night at his, he said, 'Come meet the family' and showed me his photos.
I can't decide whether it is more fun having this see-saw kind of lifestyle or if it is easier just having nothing. What I find even harder is talking to people about it. I got excited about it at the beginning. It was going well, he seemed really into me (and still does, at times) so I told everyone. But now when people ask I have to answer, 'I haven't heard from him.'
It's almost like that feeling of when you come out, you have to do it over and over and over again. Except here I have to tell them over and over again that I've not heard from him. In the grand scheme of things this really is not a big deal but at the same time, it hurts and the re-telling only re-emphasises it.
This is painful enough, as I have never been in this situation, but then when two of your friends enter new relationships, where everything is 100% perfect, it makes it even harder. They talk about how everything is going so well and I am left thinking, 'Hmmm, well, I guess not talking for three days isn't so bad.'
I know that makes me sound nasty, jealous, spoilt, cunty and just generally wrong in the head, but like I said it's how I feel and I hope that in writing this, people might just go, 'You know, that's OK, that's vaguely understandable.' Maybe they won't and maybe I AM all those things. I'd like to think not though...
Anyway I am really happy for my freinds and really do wish nothing but the best for them but I have found myself not asking as many questions about how it's going as hearing the answers makes me sad. It's really shit as I am 100% happy for them I just wish I was completely single or completely loved up too as I would be able to be excited for them and not just left comparing my own situation.
That sounded really self-obsessed...
Saturday, 20 September 2008
The First Date
I met this guy at Popstarz and we instantly hit it off. Well, I'm sure we would have done had we not been making out all night. We did speak for a while but for most of the night our tongues were in each other's mouths.
It was weird as well because I instantly felt fairly submissive to him. I have never felt like that. Even if I like someone I don't usually feel submissive. But weirdly it felt quite nice. He kind of took me around with him for the night and I met his friends. in fact I think I spoke to them more than him. I got on really well with his friends, they flirted with me and shouted things at me like, 'He's a top' or 'When was your last relationship' and other things that had it been the other way round I would have been mortified my friends telling my date.
Anyway we hung out a bit longer then he took my number and I figured I would take the initiative and leave him to enjoy his birthday.
He text me the next day with, 'Hey real cool meeting u hope u had fun? x!' Now the punctuation is an issue, I can't pretend it isn't but i liked his balls, saying he hoped I had fun.
We arranged to meet up the following Tuesday and we went for drinks in Trash Palace. But it was Polari and there were rude trannies pushing into us so we left and went to Friendly Society but saw some friends there so we moved to Profile. We got on well, he had quite a dramatic family life too and a madonna obsession that far outweighed any mariah thing I have going on. I still found him really hot and thought, 'You know this could go somewhere.' He admitted he was nervous about tonight, which i found very cute but then counteracted it by saying, 'my friends told you what??? Oh my God, how embarrassing! I know you don't mind but it could have messed things up with other guys in the past.' I'm a bit like, 'Well, er...you're with me now!' But i kept quiet. He also said that he took my number as he actually saw this going somewhere which was cute but then kept saying he was up for a relationship and I kind of thought, 'Well, are you up for a relationship with anyone or do you want a relationship with me?' I was left confused. He walked me to the bus stop and we kissed goodnight.
I had been walking for no more than thirty seconds when he text me, asking what i was listening to. I told him it was Solange and instantly he replied that he was listening to her as well.
We then carried on texting for a while and met up the following week to see The Strangers. We went for a few drinks afterwards and as i wasn't drinking i wasn't allowed to pay which I thought was cute. We arranged to meet Saturday and i would go round to his for dinner, drink and shit TV. i'm sure there was something else on the agenda too. ;)
But that has been cancelled last minute by him and so I think the next time we see each other will be my birthday party next Friday which i'm not sure is the best time as there will be loads of people there and I won't be on my best behaviour.
*sigh*
It was weird as well because I instantly felt fairly submissive to him. I have never felt like that. Even if I like someone I don't usually feel submissive. But weirdly it felt quite nice. He kind of took me around with him for the night and I met his friends. in fact I think I spoke to them more than him. I got on really well with his friends, they flirted with me and shouted things at me like, 'He's a top' or 'When was your last relationship' and other things that had it been the other way round I would have been mortified my friends telling my date.
Anyway we hung out a bit longer then he took my number and I figured I would take the initiative and leave him to enjoy his birthday.
He text me the next day with, 'Hey real cool meeting u hope u had fun? x!' Now the punctuation is an issue, I can't pretend it isn't but i liked his balls, saying he hoped I had fun.
We arranged to meet up the following Tuesday and we went for drinks in Trash Palace. But it was Polari and there were rude trannies pushing into us so we left and went to Friendly Society but saw some friends there so we moved to Profile. We got on well, he had quite a dramatic family life too and a madonna obsession that far outweighed any mariah thing I have going on. I still found him really hot and thought, 'You know this could go somewhere.' He admitted he was nervous about tonight, which i found very cute but then counteracted it by saying, 'my friends told you what??? Oh my God, how embarrassing! I know you don't mind but it could have messed things up with other guys in the past.' I'm a bit like, 'Well, er...you're with me now!' But i kept quiet. He also said that he took my number as he actually saw this going somewhere which was cute but then kept saying he was up for a relationship and I kind of thought, 'Well, are you up for a relationship with anyone or do you want a relationship with me?' I was left confused. He walked me to the bus stop and we kissed goodnight.
I had been walking for no more than thirty seconds when he text me, asking what i was listening to. I told him it was Solange and instantly he replied that he was listening to her as well.
We then carried on texting for a while and met up the following week to see The Strangers. We went for a few drinks afterwards and as i wasn't drinking i wasn't allowed to pay which I thought was cute. We arranged to meet Saturday and i would go round to his for dinner, drink and shit TV. i'm sure there was something else on the agenda too. ;)
But that has been cancelled last minute by him and so I think the next time we see each other will be my birthday party next Friday which i'm not sure is the best time as there will be loads of people there and I won't be on my best behaviour.
*sigh*
More Dreams
I have two big crushes in my life. One I know well and consider a good friend, the other I have met once and it was amazing. Neither will every come to anything.
Last night I dreamt about the first one. I've not seem him for ages and I actually miss him. Not in a romance kind of way just as a friend. I feel we've not had a proper chat for ages and i miss him. Anyway last night i dreamt that he had taken part in some Dr Who game where he got captured by some villain and taken down to a swamp where there were loads of midges and one big dead tree. He got stung, or injured somehow, all I remember is that he was very fast at getting changed. No, not in a pervy sense...sadly as that would at least fulfill part of my crush. But instead we talked and I asked him if it actually hurt when he got stung. He replied that it did and I was left confused as to why someone would volunteer to be injured.
That was it, I think...
Last night I dreamt about the first one. I've not seem him for ages and I actually miss him. Not in a romance kind of way just as a friend. I feel we've not had a proper chat for ages and i miss him. Anyway last night i dreamt that he had taken part in some Dr Who game where he got captured by some villain and taken down to a swamp where there were loads of midges and one big dead tree. He got stung, or injured somehow, all I remember is that he was very fast at getting changed. No, not in a pervy sense...sadly as that would at least fulfill part of my crush. But instead we talked and I asked him if it actually hurt when he got stung. He replied that it did and I was left confused as to why someone would volunteer to be injured.
That was it, I think...
More Dreams
I know this seems to have become a blog just for my dreams but I find them interesting!
Last night I dreamt I was gardening with Jodie Foster. We were by some kind of pool or on an island and oh wait...as I write this I can remember more. She was hosting a reality show about a couple who were going to have to live without herbs. But while they thought they were going to just have to make do without, they were actually going to have to grow their own.
Jodie and I were beginning to set it up for them and we had grown some heather. I asked, 'But Jodie, I don't understand. What good is heather?' She replied, 'Oh, it's good for sleeping and if you can't eat herbs then you're not going to be able to sleep.'
Then she started talking about her baby and her partner. But rather than talk about her like she was her wife, she made it sound like they just split their time with the baby. Half the time Jodie looked after the baby and half the time Melissa looked after her. I have no idea of Melissa is her real name. Wait while I check...oh, OK, it's Cydney. That would have been too weird anyway.
Last night I dreamt I was gardening with Jodie Foster. We were by some kind of pool or on an island and oh wait...as I write this I can remember more. She was hosting a reality show about a couple who were going to have to live without herbs. But while they thought they were going to just have to make do without, they were actually going to have to grow their own.
Jodie and I were beginning to set it up for them and we had grown some heather. I asked, 'But Jodie, I don't understand. What good is heather?' She replied, 'Oh, it's good for sleeping and if you can't eat herbs then you're not going to be able to sleep.'
Then she started talking about her baby and her partner. But rather than talk about her like she was her wife, she made it sound like they just split their time with the baby. Half the time Jodie looked after the baby and half the time Melissa looked after her. I have no idea of Melissa is her real name. Wait while I check...oh, OK, it's Cydney. That would have been too weird anyway.
Sunday, 7 September 2008
Dreams
Last night I dreamt I was watching an episode of Sex and the City which kind of morphed into lesbian porn...
I pictured Samantha (well, it had to be really, didn't it?) driving round a fairground. She realised she was living on her own and thought she should make the most of it. Cruising around she ended up getting stopped by the police. Only the police officer was Pamela Anderson who was driving with a drunken, unconscious straight couple in the back of her police car.
Next thing I know I am dreaming about them all in bed together and there was something about Samantha going down on Pamela. All I remember is there being a lot of flange on display. I think I was quite shocked.
I pictured Samantha (well, it had to be really, didn't it?) driving round a fairground. She realised she was living on her own and thought she should make the most of it. Cruising around she ended up getting stopped by the police. Only the police officer was Pamela Anderson who was driving with a drunken, unconscious straight couple in the back of her police car.
Next thing I know I am dreaming about them all in bed together and there was something about Samantha going down on Pamela. All I remember is there being a lot of flange on display. I think I was quite shocked.
Friday, 5 September 2008
Stroking
Last night on my way I was checking some guy out at the bus stop. We were down by Bond Street tube station and kept looking over at each other. We sat next to each other on the bus and talked.
We didn't want to go to each other's houses just yet and we couldn't snog on the nightbus so we did the next best thing - we stroked.
Now I know that sounds a big new age, but it was nice to touch someone else who you know wanted to sleep with you. We just couldn't do anything because it was in public.
It felt kind of secret and wrong to be holding hands. Sometimes that's even more intimate than sleeping with someone. (I don't think I could feature the word 'some' in there once more even if I tried.)
But I doubt we will ever see each other again. It was fun for what it was - thanks, Pedro.
We didn't want to go to each other's houses just yet and we couldn't snog on the nightbus so we did the next best thing - we stroked.
Now I know that sounds a big new age, but it was nice to touch someone else who you know wanted to sleep with you. We just couldn't do anything because it was in public.
It felt kind of secret and wrong to be holding hands. Sometimes that's even more intimate than sleeping with someone. (I don't think I could feature the word 'some' in there once more even if I tried.)
But I doubt we will ever see each other again. It was fun for what it was - thanks, Pedro.
The comedown
This wekk has been a crazy week. It started calmly enough with my Mum's birthday, then a night in with my new book...
I'm really enjoying it. Shamefully I have been thinking recently how I would like to read a John Grisham again but have come to the conclusion he has peaked. Anyhow...
Wednesday involved going to meet Anastacia, listening to her new album, drinking champagne, then hanging out with trannies. No, Anastacia was not one of them.
Thursday I went to a rock auction where they were selling a Hendrix guitar, a Marilyn Monroe corset and the original Beatles' contract. Then I got really drunk and went clubbing...on my own.
Today I feel rough but have to get myself together for a grime night tonight. Yes, grime. I picture something like the below...
Oh, well, I can't find a picture but someone told me to be careful I don't get stabbed. I feel this could be a slight exaggeration as it is at the Proud galleries in Camden but you know, it's definitely out of my comfort zone. So I am wearing my jeans extra-baggy.
But basically I am really tired. I am beyond tired. I can barely function. I am messing things up at work. I need it to be the weekend. Going to bed at 2 in the morning after drinking all night then getting up at 8 does not give you a hot look.
I am ragged. Oooh, I like that word - ragged.
I have just eaten a tuna salad, a bacon and egg sandwich, a lasagne and two refresher bars.
If I didn't feel sick before I sure as hell do now.
I'm really enjoying it. Shamefully I have been thinking recently how I would like to read a John Grisham again but have come to the conclusion he has peaked. Anyhow...
Wednesday involved going to meet Anastacia, listening to her new album, drinking champagne, then hanging out with trannies. No, Anastacia was not one of them.
Thursday I went to a rock auction where they were selling a Hendrix guitar, a Marilyn Monroe corset and the original Beatles' contract. Then I got really drunk and went clubbing...on my own.
Today I feel rough but have to get myself together for a grime night tonight. Yes, grime. I picture something like the below...
Oh, well, I can't find a picture but someone told me to be careful I don't get stabbed. I feel this could be a slight exaggeration as it is at the Proud galleries in Camden but you know, it's definitely out of my comfort zone. So I am wearing my jeans extra-baggy.
But basically I am really tired. I am beyond tired. I can barely function. I am messing things up at work. I need it to be the weekend. Going to bed at 2 in the morning after drinking all night then getting up at 8 does not give you a hot look.
I am ragged. Oooh, I like that word - ragged.
I have just eaten a tuna salad, a bacon and egg sandwich, a lasagne and two refresher bars.
If I didn't feel sick before I sure as hell do now.
Sunday, 24 August 2008
I'm not so sure this is a good idea...
The other day I got really drunk. Not too drunk - well actually that's up for debate, but I was drunk enough that I had lost all inhibitions. I went out with an old friend who is heading abroad for a while, we were supposed to be doing the London tourist things like the tourist bus, London Eye, taking in a show and eating at an Aberdeen Angus steak house. Well, OK, maybe not the last one, even tourists should know better than that.
But we ended up going shopping and getting drunk. We went to Uni-Qlo, or however they spell it where I bought some new jeans and my friend sweated a lot. I think it was the lighting...and the hangover from the day before. Then we went to Stock Pot and had an omlette and chips.
This is where things go a little awry. (I've never used that word before, so if anyone feels like letting me know if I used it correctly it would be much appreciated.)
We sat outside the Three Greyhounds on Old Compton Street and drank two bottles of wine. By the end of it we had my tinny phone playing Kylie and we were doing dance moves and singing. I think we provided much entertainment for the tourists. It was kind of tragic.
Then we migrated to G-A-Y bar by which time I can't remember anything. I bought us a bottle of wine and then Paul disappeared. I sat in the entrance and started talking to randoms. I also saw this guy who I slept with when I very first came out. All I can remember is that he shaved his body which was gross and although he was in no way a model, he had modelling shots on his wall. Apparently he had paid for them himself. *sigh*
But he had his dog with him on Friday which kept trying to hump his leg and everyone was staring out of awkwardness. It was very weird. Then I was about to go in a find Paul when I caught the eye of some guy sitting on his own. I went and said hello but before I knew it I had undone his jeans and I had my hand down his pants...only he wasn't wearing pants.
Then i suggested we go to the toilets. We went downstairs straight past the guy who hands you hand towels and offers you aftershave and into a cubicle. He said, 'Hey, you can't do that here!' So we left the mens and went into the womens...
This was at 7 o'clock Friday evening.
After this I hung out and bumped into this guy I vaguely know. I hung out with him for ages and shamelessly came on to him. Then his boyfriend arrived. I hope I stopped then, although I couldn't be sure.
Then everything is a bit blank. I bumped into my friend later who had fallen asleep, I also remember dancing on my own quite a lot. But then I went to Sauna bar in Covent Garden and sat in the jacuzzi. It wasn't long before I was getting off with some guy in there. We started fooling around and then a third and fourth guy were getting in on the action too. We moved to a cubicle and finished the job in there.
I went to find my friend back in Soho. I found him outside The Edge and we talked about the evening. But I don't remember much. After about ten minutes some guy passed us and I blatantly checked him out. He came back and hung out with us for a bit. Then he said he had driven into town and offered me a lift home. Faced with the option of that or the hellish nightbus I figured I might just take him up on the offer.
So we drove back to West Hampstead and I gave him a quick kiss goodbye.
That was my Friday night.
I spent Saturday hungover, smelling of chlorine and feeling like a skank.
But we ended up going shopping and getting drunk. We went to Uni-Qlo, or however they spell it where I bought some new jeans and my friend sweated a lot. I think it was the lighting...and the hangover from the day before. Then we went to Stock Pot and had an omlette and chips.
This is where things go a little awry. (I've never used that word before, so if anyone feels like letting me know if I used it correctly it would be much appreciated.)
We sat outside the Three Greyhounds on Old Compton Street and drank two bottles of wine. By the end of it we had my tinny phone playing Kylie and we were doing dance moves and singing. I think we provided much entertainment for the tourists. It was kind of tragic.
Then we migrated to G-A-Y bar by which time I can't remember anything. I bought us a bottle of wine and then Paul disappeared. I sat in the entrance and started talking to randoms. I also saw this guy who I slept with when I very first came out. All I can remember is that he shaved his body which was gross and although he was in no way a model, he had modelling shots on his wall. Apparently he had paid for them himself. *sigh*
But he had his dog with him on Friday which kept trying to hump his leg and everyone was staring out of awkwardness. It was very weird. Then I was about to go in a find Paul when I caught the eye of some guy sitting on his own. I went and said hello but before I knew it I had undone his jeans and I had my hand down his pants...only he wasn't wearing pants.
Then i suggested we go to the toilets. We went downstairs straight past the guy who hands you hand towels and offers you aftershave and into a cubicle. He said, 'Hey, you can't do that here!' So we left the mens and went into the womens...
This was at 7 o'clock Friday evening.
After this I hung out and bumped into this guy I vaguely know. I hung out with him for ages and shamelessly came on to him. Then his boyfriend arrived. I hope I stopped then, although I couldn't be sure.
Then everything is a bit blank. I bumped into my friend later who had fallen asleep, I also remember dancing on my own quite a lot. But then I went to Sauna bar in Covent Garden and sat in the jacuzzi. It wasn't long before I was getting off with some guy in there. We started fooling around and then a third and fourth guy were getting in on the action too. We moved to a cubicle and finished the job in there.
I went to find my friend back in Soho. I found him outside The Edge and we talked about the evening. But I don't remember much. After about ten minutes some guy passed us and I blatantly checked him out. He came back and hung out with us for a bit. Then he said he had driven into town and offered me a lift home. Faced with the option of that or the hellish nightbus I figured I might just take him up on the offer.
So we drove back to West Hampstead and I gave him a quick kiss goodbye.
That was my Friday night.
I spent Saturday hungover, smelling of chlorine and feeling like a skank.
Saturday, 16 August 2008
It's so Sex and the City...
To say I had a bizarre Friday night would be an understatement. First I went to the movies and saw a film called The Fall which was just the most beautiful film I think I have ever seen. Well, OK, that might be a bit of an overstatement but it was incredibly beautiful and visually stunning. The vision the director must have had was....words fail me.
But then I went to the gym at 9pm and at this point normally my will power wold get the best of me. But I went and did 20 minutes on the bike and 20 minutes on the treadmill. They had Kylie's recent tour playing on one of the music channels and I found myself really enjoying it. Possibly more than when I actually went. I wish I had been drunk and with a close friend when I went. To the tour, not the gym. I think I would have enjoyed it so much more. Although that does apply to both.
Then I went to Sainsburys, excited at the prospect of now having a 24 hours supermarket. It was shut. It goes 24 hours as of Wednesday. *sigh*
So instead I went home and cleaned the bathroom. I put on my shuffle, listened to Santogold, Siobhan Donaghy, Madonna and The Knife and scrubbed, vaccumed and mopped. All on a Friday night at 11:30pm! But this is not the weirdness that I am writing about.
No, last night I had what they call 'cybersex'.
A guy I worked with at a REALLY straight men's magazine back in 06 opened up the new chat function on Facebook. I was surprised as we both added each other when Facebook kicked off and then had barely spoken. In fact I think this was the first time. He asked me how I was and then about the magazine that I recently posed naked for. This is when it got weird.
I explained that I hadn't scanned it yet and he kept saying he wanted to see it. Having always thought he was straight, I was a little confused. I just brushed it off until he said, 'You seem surprised?' He then went on to say how he was bi-curious and although he had never done anything with guys, he fantasised over pictures and had phone-sex and cyber-sex.
Now, I think the name cyber-sex sounds ridiculous but I was there thinking, 'Oh, he needs someone to help him come out of the closet, how cute. I'll be that person!' only to find myself getting involved in some online one night stand.
He said he had been looking at my pictures and although he was fussy, he really liked me. I told him to shut up and that he had drunk too much. But the conversation continued and I explained that he wasn't my type.
But then we started to talk dirty. Or is that write dirty? Well, whatever it is, we were doing it. I found the whole situation a bit weird as I wasn't really that turned on, well, OK a little, but not as much as he was making out he was. He wanted to hear me groan on the phone and I said that would just be weird. But not because it was phone-sex just because I knew him.
So we carried on and then he tells me he's come.
We have pillow talk afterwards - can we still call it that? And I tell him he should get out there and try it for real. I said, 'Don't spend your life wondering 'What if?'. But he patronisingly replied, 'Well, it's not as big a step for me as it was for you.' Meaning that because he was bi-curious, he didn't need to tell anyone. I am not convinced...
But then he said, 'Anyway, no offence but it was always pretty obvious you were gay, you liked Mariah Carey.'
Now I realise liking Mariah probably does make me a big old 'mo but it still hurts to hear that it's 'obvious'. That would possibly be because I still have issues with it which is fine. I recognise that. But I kind of resented the fact that this guy had used me to get off and then told me it was always obvious I was a big gay and that people were laughing at me for not coming out sooner. (Ok, I added the last part but that's kind of how it feels).
So, I am not convinced by cyber-sex and still think the name is ridiculous. I doubt we'll speak again.
But yes, I felt like Carrie...
But then I went to the gym at 9pm and at this point normally my will power wold get the best of me. But I went and did 20 minutes on the bike and 20 minutes on the treadmill. They had Kylie's recent tour playing on one of the music channels and I found myself really enjoying it. Possibly more than when I actually went. I wish I had been drunk and with a close friend when I went. To the tour, not the gym. I think I would have enjoyed it so much more. Although that does apply to both.
Then I went to Sainsburys, excited at the prospect of now having a 24 hours supermarket. It was shut. It goes 24 hours as of Wednesday. *sigh*
So instead I went home and cleaned the bathroom. I put on my shuffle, listened to Santogold, Siobhan Donaghy, Madonna and The Knife and scrubbed, vaccumed and mopped. All on a Friday night at 11:30pm! But this is not the weirdness that I am writing about.
No, last night I had what they call 'cybersex'.
A guy I worked with at a REALLY straight men's magazine back in 06 opened up the new chat function on Facebook. I was surprised as we both added each other when Facebook kicked off and then had barely spoken. In fact I think this was the first time. He asked me how I was and then about the magazine that I recently posed naked for. This is when it got weird.
I explained that I hadn't scanned it yet and he kept saying he wanted to see it. Having always thought he was straight, I was a little confused. I just brushed it off until he said, 'You seem surprised?' He then went on to say how he was bi-curious and although he had never done anything with guys, he fantasised over pictures and had phone-sex and cyber-sex.
Now, I think the name cyber-sex sounds ridiculous but I was there thinking, 'Oh, he needs someone to help him come out of the closet, how cute. I'll be that person!' only to find myself getting involved in some online one night stand.
He said he had been looking at my pictures and although he was fussy, he really liked me. I told him to shut up and that he had drunk too much. But the conversation continued and I explained that he wasn't my type.
But then we started to talk dirty. Or is that write dirty? Well, whatever it is, we were doing it. I found the whole situation a bit weird as I wasn't really that turned on, well, OK a little, but not as much as he was making out he was. He wanted to hear me groan on the phone and I said that would just be weird. But not because it was phone-sex just because I knew him.
So we carried on and then he tells me he's come.
We have pillow talk afterwards - can we still call it that? And I tell him he should get out there and try it for real. I said, 'Don't spend your life wondering 'What if?'. But he patronisingly replied, 'Well, it's not as big a step for me as it was for you.' Meaning that because he was bi-curious, he didn't need to tell anyone. I am not convinced...
But then he said, 'Anyway, no offence but it was always pretty obvious you were gay, you liked Mariah Carey.'
Now I realise liking Mariah probably does make me a big old 'mo but it still hurts to hear that it's 'obvious'. That would possibly be because I still have issues with it which is fine. I recognise that. But I kind of resented the fact that this guy had used me to get off and then told me it was always obvious I was a big gay and that people were laughing at me for not coming out sooner. (Ok, I added the last part but that's kind of how it feels).
So, I am not convinced by cyber-sex and still think the name is ridiculous. I doubt we'll speak again.
But yes, I felt like Carrie...
Thursday, 14 August 2008
What's protocol?
I have been friends with X for about a year and a half now. We're not as tight as some of my friends but we are pretty close. He introduced me to his boyfriend soon after we met and he's come to a few of my parties and we get on too.
Last week they split up.
I saw X and he said although it ended amicably he didn't want to stay in touch. A friend started to slag the ex off and X said, 'No, I don't want to hear it.'
Now the ex-boyfriend has emailed me and is suggesting we go for drinks. I can say for 100% fact that it is not in a romantic way, so that's fine but I don't know if I am supposed to go ahead with it or not.
Am I supposed to have loyalties? Is this crossing the line? Should I tell X? I don't know what is right the thing to do...
Last week they split up.
I saw X and he said although it ended amicably he didn't want to stay in touch. A friend started to slag the ex off and X said, 'No, I don't want to hear it.'
Now the ex-boyfriend has emailed me and is suggesting we go for drinks. I can say for 100% fact that it is not in a romantic way, so that's fine but I don't know if I am supposed to go ahead with it or not.
Am I supposed to have loyalties? Is this crossing the line? Should I tell X? I don't know what is right the thing to do...
How old am I?
I do realise that I am crap at listening to people and actually remembering what they are telling me. It's one of my many faults. It's even been highlighted to me this week by someone, which made me upset, but only because it's true.
For example I know there has been talk of my housemates going to Manchester next weekend for some time but as far as I can remember this is the first time I got an invite. A week beforehand.
If I'm honest I'm not sure I want to go as they are going for Pride and I just don't enjoy those events. So I don't feel I am missing out but it's not the first time I have been left out by two of my 'roomies'.
It's fine as I don't invite them to come on holiday with me either and there's a reason for that but at the same time...well, actually there is no 'but'.
It just feels a little weird/sad not being asked...
This is not the first time I have been a dog in the manger. This weekend the guy from Brussels changed his Facebook status from 'single' to 'It's complicated' to 'Married'. He had spent the last week with his ex and I began to get jealous.
But really I don't want anything from him so I should be happy for him, right?
Wrong. Instead I drunkenly left a snide message on his Facebook, saying, 'I can't keep up!' Nice.
For example I know there has been talk of my housemates going to Manchester next weekend for some time but as far as I can remember this is the first time I got an invite. A week beforehand.
If I'm honest I'm not sure I want to go as they are going for Pride and I just don't enjoy those events. So I don't feel I am missing out but it's not the first time I have been left out by two of my 'roomies'.
It's fine as I don't invite them to come on holiday with me either and there's a reason for that but at the same time...well, actually there is no 'but'.
It just feels a little weird/sad not being asked...
This is not the first time I have been a dog in the manger. This weekend the guy from Brussels changed his Facebook status from 'single' to 'It's complicated' to 'Married'. He had spent the last week with his ex and I began to get jealous.
But really I don't want anything from him so I should be happy for him, right?
Wrong. Instead I drunkenly left a snide message on his Facebook, saying, 'I can't keep up!' Nice.
Wednesday, 13 August 2008
Being the nice guy sucks
Last night I was out with my colleagues and we were talking about our new job. I realised how much happier I am now working in this one.
The atmosphere is lighter.
There is a better community feel
We are now in Covent Garden.
We work with lots more people.
I now get any money I earn as a freelancer which I didn't before.
But, despite all this, I am still upset that I wasn't asked to stay on. I am still upset that I was not fought for, thought of as a half decent writer.
I know this is a dull topic for everyone as I have already talked about it at length but every so often it really gets to me. I think, 'You have stopped me writing for your clients temporarily because you want the money. But you don't want me to work for you anymore as you don't like my writing.'
Then, when I see them at gigs I am supposed to be like everything is cool.
Well, guess what, fuckers? It's not and it ain't ever gonna be!
Now, let's lighten the mood, shall we?
The atmosphere is lighter.
There is a better community feel
We are now in Covent Garden.
We work with lots more people.
I now get any money I earn as a freelancer which I didn't before.
But, despite all this, I am still upset that I wasn't asked to stay on. I am still upset that I was not fought for, thought of as a half decent writer.
I know this is a dull topic for everyone as I have already talked about it at length but every so often it really gets to me. I think, 'You have stopped me writing for your clients temporarily because you want the money. But you don't want me to work for you anymore as you don't like my writing.'
Then, when I see them at gigs I am supposed to be like everything is cool.
Well, guess what, fuckers? It's not and it ain't ever gonna be!
Now, let's lighten the mood, shall we?
Sunday, 10 August 2008
Today I feel sad.
I have realised that another fling is over with. I am not really sad about the fact that I am not seeing the Brussels guy any more. I am sad that another situation didn't work out. I am also a little sad that he has updated his Facebook status to 'It's complicated' but that's selfish so I'm glad that he's moving on.
I wasn't very nice to him last time he came to stay and really just used him for sex and intimacy and then felt shit about it but unable to actually say, 'We need to stop seeing each other completely.' How do you say that you don't even want to be friends?
I'm going to sound like a real pig now, but I am going to miss the chance of having someone to stay with in Brussels. I liked the idea of having a contact there who I could jet over and see.
Now it's all changed. I would feel weird going and not having sex. I don't think we could be just friends.
I find him irritating.
This is the right thing to do but I feel sad not about leaving him, if you can call it that, just ending it. :(
I wasn't very nice to him last time he came to stay and really just used him for sex and intimacy and then felt shit about it but unable to actually say, 'We need to stop seeing each other completely.' How do you say that you don't even want to be friends?
I'm going to sound like a real pig now, but I am going to miss the chance of having someone to stay with in Brussels. I liked the idea of having a contact there who I could jet over and see.
Now it's all changed. I would feel weird going and not having sex. I don't think we could be just friends.
I find him irritating.
This is the right thing to do but I feel sad not about leaving him, if you can call it that, just ending it. :(
I'm going down...
Last night I had a really vivid dream. But while we're on the subject, 'vivid' has always been a weird word to me. I always thought it meant hazy and not real. A bit like vague. But it was only about two years ago I found out it meant the opposite.
So, yeah, I had this really vivid dream where I had been caught shoplifting and was being sent to prison for it for two years. I was at my old house where I grew up in Wimbledon and was thinking which clothes I wanted to wear. I then thought I'd write to Margaret Thatcher, asking her to help me out. She wrote back saying there was nothing she could do. Whatta bitch.
Then I started on my way to the prison. I was really upset Mum wasn't with me. She said she was busy. She said she'd come see me if she had time. In hindsight I'd like to think that this was because she couldn't take the emotional strain but in my dream I just think she had other plans.
In real life I'm seeing a friend today and in my dream I actually called him up and cancelled saying, 'Sorry, I'm going to prison.'
Then I arrived at Bond Street but I knew that this wasn't the right station. Next thing I know I'm at this little newsagent getting changed in their shower. Then I'm off again and trying to find my way. I remember complaining a lot as they had sent me no instructions so I didn't know where to go, what to take or anything.
Eventually I arrived with Margaret Thatcher on the door taking names. I said my name was Michael. She said, 'Turnbull?' then she said she'd read my letter and that there was nothing she could do. She said it all in a nice way. I said thank you and then called her Mrs Thatcher, realised my mistake and said, 'sorry, Lady Thatcher.'
It was a really modern building and there were other families walking around. It felt a bit like Canary wharf tube station.
I remember crying a LOT. It was always mid-sentence. My voice would crack up and...well, it was like my first phone calls at boarding school.
But by the end I had decided that I didn't mind too much. I'm sure there would be a gay network who would take me in and then I could just study for two years and do some really interesting course.
I was just unsure what to do about paying rent, my job and things of that nature. For some reason I seemed to think I would be rich when I came out. Er...
It's now been an hour since I woke up but I still feel like it's my last day of freedom.
I feel...unnerved.
So, yeah, I had this really vivid dream where I had been caught shoplifting and was being sent to prison for it for two years. I was at my old house where I grew up in Wimbledon and was thinking which clothes I wanted to wear. I then thought I'd write to Margaret Thatcher, asking her to help me out. She wrote back saying there was nothing she could do. Whatta bitch.
Then I started on my way to the prison. I was really upset Mum wasn't with me. She said she was busy. She said she'd come see me if she had time. In hindsight I'd like to think that this was because she couldn't take the emotional strain but in my dream I just think she had other plans.
In real life I'm seeing a friend today and in my dream I actually called him up and cancelled saying, 'Sorry, I'm going to prison.'
Then I arrived at Bond Street but I knew that this wasn't the right station. Next thing I know I'm at this little newsagent getting changed in their shower. Then I'm off again and trying to find my way. I remember complaining a lot as they had sent me no instructions so I didn't know where to go, what to take or anything.
Eventually I arrived with Margaret Thatcher on the door taking names. I said my name was Michael. She said, 'Turnbull?' then she said she'd read my letter and that there was nothing she could do. She said it all in a nice way. I said thank you and then called her Mrs Thatcher, realised my mistake and said, 'sorry, Lady Thatcher.'
It was a really modern building and there were other families walking around. It felt a bit like Canary wharf tube station.
I remember crying a LOT. It was always mid-sentence. My voice would crack up and...well, it was like my first phone calls at boarding school.
But by the end I had decided that I didn't mind too much. I'm sure there would be a gay network who would take me in and then I could just study for two years and do some really interesting course.
I was just unsure what to do about paying rent, my job and things of that nature. For some reason I seemed to think I would be rich when I came out. Er...
It's now been an hour since I woke up but I still feel like it's my last day of freedom.
I feel...unnerved.
Friday, 8 August 2008
The Ultimate Playlist
Since dropping my computer and breaking it three weeks ago I have been without any of my music. It also means that I can't change the tracks on my iPod shuffle.
Luckily just before I dropped it I had put on albums like, Blackout, Deep Cuts, Alphabeat, Ghosts and Hard Candy.
But I also put on a playlist which I have been working really hard on and to be honest I am actually quite proud of. Well, 'proud' might be stretching it a little, but I am very pleased with it. How's that?
Here is the playlist...
1 - Intro - Annie
2 - Breaking It Up - Lykke Li
3 - Left Behind - CSS
4 - L.E.S. Artistes - Santogold
5 - I'm Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend How To Dance With You - Black Kids
6 - Great DJ - The Ting Tings
7 - Fascination - Alphabeat
8 - Pass This On - The Knife
9 - Ce Jeu - Yelle
10 - Time To Pretend - MGMT
11 - Ready For The Floor - Hot Chip
12 - Homecoming - The Teenagers
13 - Fancy Footwork - Chromeo
14 - To The Point Of No Return - Exposé
15 - Two Of Hearts - Stacey Q
16 - Attack Me With Your Love - Cameo
17 - Meeting In The Ladies' Room - Klymaxx
18 - Interlude: Let's Dance - Janet Jackson
19 - Sexual Eruption - Snoop Dogg & Robyn
20 - Seventeen - Ladytron
21 - The One - Kylie Minogue
22 - Off And On - Roisin Murphy
So that's Disc I. I'll publish Disc II some other time.
Here are some of my highlights from Disc I anyway...
Luckily just before I dropped it I had put on albums like, Blackout, Deep Cuts, Alphabeat, Ghosts and Hard Candy.
But I also put on a playlist which I have been working really hard on and to be honest I am actually quite proud of. Well, 'proud' might be stretching it a little, but I am very pleased with it. How's that?
Here is the playlist...
1 - Intro - Annie
2 - Breaking It Up - Lykke Li
3 - Left Behind - CSS
4 - L.E.S. Artistes - Santogold
5 - I'm Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend How To Dance With You - Black Kids
6 - Great DJ - The Ting Tings
7 - Fascination - Alphabeat
8 - Pass This On - The Knife
9 - Ce Jeu - Yelle
10 - Time To Pretend - MGMT
11 - Ready For The Floor - Hot Chip
12 - Homecoming - The Teenagers
13 - Fancy Footwork - Chromeo
14 - To The Point Of No Return - Exposé
15 - Two Of Hearts - Stacey Q
16 - Attack Me With Your Love - Cameo
17 - Meeting In The Ladies' Room - Klymaxx
18 - Interlude: Let's Dance - Janet Jackson
19 - Sexual Eruption - Snoop Dogg & Robyn
20 - Seventeen - Ladytron
21 - The One - Kylie Minogue
22 - Off And On - Roisin Murphy
So that's Disc I. I'll publish Disc II some other time.
Here are some of my highlights from Disc I anyway...
A spokesperson? Me?
So I refrained from using, 'Has it come to this?' as a title for this but I was THIS close. (That doesn't really work when you're writing does it?)
Last month I wrote an article for a gay magazine where I tried to find sex online in an hour. It wasn't something I'd done before so it was fun to explore that side of my personality. Suffice to say I didn't find it but that's fine as you could argue that sub-consciously I just wasn't down with it. That's much easier to accept than the possibility that no one wanted my business. Actually screw those guys, I don't want it anyway.
I purposely left my profile name in the piece though so people could get in touch with me afterwards. Which they have. *phew*. No one has really said, 'I'd give you one', which is nice as they have mostly been saying things like, 'Really enjoyed your article.' I would like to state that I would prefer people write things like this but the odd 'I'd give you one' wouldn't go unappreciated.
What's interesting is the different people who have been looking at my profile since the article got published. They are usually sleazy or old or sleazy and old. But I sort of feel like I have taken one for the team and am representin' my boys. That in some sick kind of way I have let everyone know that it is OK to have sex via the internet.
Which is kind of sweet. As long as you don't think about it for too long.
Last month I wrote an article for a gay magazine where I tried to find sex online in an hour. It wasn't something I'd done before so it was fun to explore that side of my personality. Suffice to say I didn't find it but that's fine as you could argue that sub-consciously I just wasn't down with it. That's much easier to accept than the possibility that no one wanted my business. Actually screw those guys, I don't want it anyway.
I purposely left my profile name in the piece though so people could get in touch with me afterwards. Which they have. *phew*. No one has really said, 'I'd give you one', which is nice as they have mostly been saying things like, 'Really enjoyed your article.' I would like to state that I would prefer people write things like this but the odd 'I'd give you one' wouldn't go unappreciated.
What's interesting is the different people who have been looking at my profile since the article got published. They are usually sleazy or old or sleazy and old. But I sort of feel like I have taken one for the team and am representin' my boys. That in some sick kind of way I have let everyone know that it is OK to have sex via the internet.
Which is kind of sweet. As long as you don't think about it for too long.
Wednesday, 6 August 2008
My Week of Music
Last week I went to many a concert. Luckily for everyone I brought along my incredible camera. It really is of the highest technology. No, really...
First up was Solange. Oh, actually it was Kylie. But I have uploaded Solange first so that's what's going up. Plus it's so dark, you can't really tell the difference.
We went to Yo-Yo at Notting Hill Arts Club to see Beyonce's little sister. We had so many issues getting into the place I thought they might just ask us to give up our right arm for the privilege. We had to show ID, not for age check, but for them to scan and record who came in.
Solange came on 45 minutes late but was incredible. We couldn't see shit as the video proves but she kept us so happy we were singing it on the tube. I only have one song of hers and I listened to it all the way home. Which is more than I can say for Kylie...
I wasn't that excited to be honest and even with low expectations it was still a disappointment. There was a lot of filler, you couldn't dance to it all and she couldn't fill the stage. There was even a cover of 'Copacabana'. Eeeeshhh...I know this is Kylie but come on.
She did sing the Fischerspooner remix of 'Come In To My World' though so all was just about forgiven.
First up was Solange. Oh, actually it was Kylie. But I have uploaded Solange first so that's what's going up. Plus it's so dark, you can't really tell the difference.
We went to Yo-Yo at Notting Hill Arts Club to see Beyonce's little sister. We had so many issues getting into the place I thought they might just ask us to give up our right arm for the privilege. We had to show ID, not for age check, but for them to scan and record who came in.
Solange came on 45 minutes late but was incredible. We couldn't see shit as the video proves but she kept us so happy we were singing it on the tube. I only have one song of hers and I listened to it all the way home. Which is more than I can say for Kylie...
I wasn't that excited to be honest and even with low expectations it was still a disappointment. There was a lot of filler, you couldn't dance to it all and she couldn't fill the stage. There was even a cover of 'Copacabana'. Eeeeshhh...I know this is Kylie but come on.
She did sing the Fischerspooner remix of 'Come In To My World' though so all was just about forgiven.
Monday, 4 August 2008
She's a maniac
I've just noticed that I always try and title my blogs with a song lyric. Why is that? Even ones that have nothing to do with music!
Anyway last week we went to see Solange at Yo-Yo in the Notting Hill Arts Club. On the tube we sat opposite this woman who looked relatively normal. Until a woman sat next to her - at which point she went balistic. She started shouting, *adopts Irish accent*, 'Say fooking excuse me! How would you like it if I sat on YOUR funeral dress?! Say fooking excuse me! Don't mess with me! It'll be your fooking funeral!'
Then she started pushing the girl next to her, picked up a London Lite and nearly went to smack her with it.
In an ideal world I would have stepped in but I took one quick look at her nasty long nail extensions and suddenly saw potential for a re-imagining of Un Chien Andalou at 7:35 on the Central Line to Notting Hill.
So I didn't get involved. I felt quite ashamed of myself.
Then I went home and dreamt that I was in a queue for a cash point when this little kid pushed in front of the guy in front of me. We both pushed him out the way and he came back and said to me, 'I'm going to fucking stab you!' He then pulled out a little stanley knife and stabbed me three times in the leg.
It wasn't a fun dream.
But reading the papers I saw this and thought, 'Well, I guess I saw that first hand.'
Anyway last week we went to see Solange at Yo-Yo in the Notting Hill Arts Club. On the tube we sat opposite this woman who looked relatively normal. Until a woman sat next to her - at which point she went balistic. She started shouting, *adopts Irish accent*, 'Say fooking excuse me! How would you like it if I sat on YOUR funeral dress?! Say fooking excuse me! Don't mess with me! It'll be your fooking funeral!'
Then she started pushing the girl next to her, picked up a London Lite and nearly went to smack her with it.
In an ideal world I would have stepped in but I took one quick look at her nasty long nail extensions and suddenly saw potential for a re-imagining of Un Chien Andalou at 7:35 on the Central Line to Notting Hill.
So I didn't get involved. I felt quite ashamed of myself.
Then I went home and dreamt that I was in a queue for a cash point when this little kid pushed in front of the guy in front of me. We both pushed him out the way and he came back and said to me, 'I'm going to fucking stab you!' He then pulled out a little stanley knife and stabbed me three times in the leg.
It wasn't a fun dream.
But reading the papers I saw this and thought, 'Well, I guess I saw that first hand.'
Saturday, 2 August 2008
Is it never enough?
Last night a friend came to stay. We met each other for the first time just under a year ago, probably around the 8 month mark. OK, so it's not really a year, but it's been a while.
We started off really intense. We would email each other every day - sometimes eight or nine times. Having originally met for the first time online, we arranged to meet at the champagne bar at St Pancras. It was romantic and cute. We then spent New Year's together and then slept together.
He doesn't live nearby, so I have been to see him and he has now stayed here a couple of times. But things are changing.
Whereas originally I liked the distance but also the knowing I had a certain stability of someone liking me, now I find the messaging a little clingy and the frequency of the visits too much.
What's more disturbing is that last night he told me he had been dreaming of me, he brought me lots of presents and then said that he wears a pair of jeans I left at his...in bed.
I thought it was all cool and we were just keeping the distance but now I don't know how to tell him I need more space.
How much space can I possibly need? He already lives in another country!
We started off really intense. We would email each other every day - sometimes eight or nine times. Having originally met for the first time online, we arranged to meet at the champagne bar at St Pancras. It was romantic and cute. We then spent New Year's together and then slept together.
He doesn't live nearby, so I have been to see him and he has now stayed here a couple of times. But things are changing.
Whereas originally I liked the distance but also the knowing I had a certain stability of someone liking me, now I find the messaging a little clingy and the frequency of the visits too much.
What's more disturbing is that last night he told me he had been dreaming of me, he brought me lots of presents and then said that he wears a pair of jeans I left at his...in bed.
I thought it was all cool and we were just keeping the distance but now I don't know how to tell him I need more space.
How much space can I possibly need? He already lives in another country!
Holding hands
Normally I think this is all a bit trite. Hmmm...well, I think I mean trite. If trite means - a bit too co-dependent, showy and forced then that's what I mean.
This afternoon on my way back from the gym, I walked behind a couple who were holding hands and was actually quite touched by it. *gag*
I think it had something to do with being unexpectedly affected by Shopgirl last night.
There were tears involved. In fact there was both general crying and sobbing involved.
But with the couple this afternoon it was cute watching them walk at the same pace and let their hands gradually intertwine. It was like one was still unsure of whether the other wanted to hold hands or not. One time the girl pulled her hand away as she went for her bag so the guy went to scratch his other arm.
Then when she was done, they both lowered their arms again and held hands.
I found it cute. I'm not used to that. I normally find it nauseating.
Now I just feel unnerved...
This afternoon on my way back from the gym, I walked behind a couple who were holding hands and was actually quite touched by it. *gag*
I think it had something to do with being unexpectedly affected by Shopgirl last night.
There were tears involved. In fact there was both general crying and sobbing involved.
But with the couple this afternoon it was cute watching them walk at the same pace and let their hands gradually intertwine. It was like one was still unsure of whether the other wanted to hold hands or not. One time the girl pulled her hand away as she went for her bag so the guy went to scratch his other arm.
Then when she was done, they both lowered their arms again and held hands.
I found it cute. I'm not used to that. I normally find it nauseating.
Now I just feel unnerved...
Tuesday, 29 July 2008
Those Awkward Moments When...
I always laugh at others when they greet someone but are unsure whether to do it with a hug, kiss or shake hands. Then get it wrong. At the wedding this weekend, it was rife. There was one instance when the groom's mother came over and greeted us with a kiss on the cheek. Then another friend came over and greeted her with a hand shake. Everyone thought he was a bit odd.
I also saw another friend's mother who was wearing a huge hat and as I went to give her a kiss, she said, 'It will have to be an air kiss because of the hat.' I persevered, unsure of whether she was joking or not and then tried to laugh it off when I realised she was clearly being serious.
However worse than both of these are times when you are unsure whether to say 'Hello' to someone or not. Like this morning.
I saw a girl I worked with about three years ago and although we are friends on Facebook, we never speak. We have bumped into each other once or twice at a gig or screening, but this morning, as she was walking towards me, I felt unsure whether I should say 'Hello' or not. So instead I half smiled hoping that would cover both outcomes.
She was almost level with me and we hadn't said 'Hello', so I carried on thinking it wasn't going to happen. Then just as we were passing each other she waved and said 'Hello', but in a 'Oh, were you not going to say 'Hello'?' kind of way.
Cue me feeling like shit.
I also saw another friend's mother who was wearing a huge hat and as I went to give her a kiss, she said, 'It will have to be an air kiss because of the hat.' I persevered, unsure of whether she was joking or not and then tried to laugh it off when I realised she was clearly being serious.
However worse than both of these are times when you are unsure whether to say 'Hello' to someone or not. Like this morning.
I saw a girl I worked with about three years ago and although we are friends on Facebook, we never speak. We have bumped into each other once or twice at a gig or screening, but this morning, as she was walking towards me, I felt unsure whether I should say 'Hello' or not. So instead I half smiled hoping that would cover both outcomes.
She was almost level with me and we hadn't said 'Hello', so I carried on thinking it wasn't going to happen. Then just as we were passing each other she waved and said 'Hello', but in a 'Oh, were you not going to say 'Hello'?' kind of way.
Cue me feeling like shit.
Monday, 28 July 2008
Dreams suck!
Last night I dreamt that I was on the verge of a relationship with an old school friend. I remember having very strong feelings for him at school and would say that it was probably the closest I had been to love even though he was straight and ironically at the time so was I.
But I dreamt that we were sharing a bed and held hands. Then we began to kiss but he got freaked out as he realised he had feelings for me but couldn't come to terms with it.
I even 'woke up' in my dream and was elated when I realised that it was true in real life. I wasn't dreaming, I was actually in this situation. He did actually have feelings for me.
Then I DID wake up and realised it was alll a lie. :(
But I dreamt that we were sharing a bed and held hands. Then we began to kiss but he got freaked out as he realised he had feelings for me but couldn't come to terms with it.
I even 'woke up' in my dream and was elated when I realised that it was true in real life. I wasn't dreaming, I was actually in this situation. He did actually have feelings for me.
Then I DID wake up and realised it was alll a lie. :(
Tips for Flip-Flops
I bought some flip flops in Brazil back in March and have only recently started wearing them.
Everytime I do, I regret it. This morning I walked into work and got blisters. Big blisters. Small blisters. Blisters between my toes. Blisters on top of my foot.
I've always thought that my feet would just deal and toughen up.
But today I went off to Covent Garden for lunch and I got more blisters. Only this time I had blisters on blisters. I had big blisters on bigger blisters which eventually popped - soaking my flip flop in puss.
It was only this afternoon, when inspecting my feet, that I realised the flip flops were actually two sizes for me. Nice going.
Everytime I do, I regret it. This morning I walked into work and got blisters. Big blisters. Small blisters. Blisters between my toes. Blisters on top of my foot.
I've always thought that my feet would just deal and toughen up.
But today I went off to Covent Garden for lunch and I got more blisters. Only this time I had blisters on blisters. I had big blisters on bigger blisters which eventually popped - soaking my flip flop in puss.
It was only this afternoon, when inspecting my feet, that I realised the flip flops were actually two sizes for me. Nice going.
The Wedding
This weeked I went to the wedding of one of my oldest friends in Sandwich. I had been a bit apprehensive just because I had a vision of it being a tad pretentious. Not because of the people who were getting married just because it was a wedding in general and I thought that was the point of weddings.
I also knew that it would involve seeing parents of old school friends and coming out to a bunch more people that I couldn't really be bothered with.
But instead, it wasn't about me, it was surprisingly enough about the couple getting married. It was the perfect day. I drove down with three other friends, got changed into our morning suits and sat in the church. It was the hottest day of the year so far and everyone was waving their programmes like we were in some Baptist church in the Deep South. I half expected someone to collapse in the aisle after being touched by God or perhaps more likely being overly de-hydrated.
As soon as the bride walked down the aisle, I surprised myself and began to cry. Sadly not the only time it happened that day.
We then moved to the bride's parent's garden and had drinks and dinner. There was then a speech where I cried again as the groom ran out of words to describe his new wife.
Later on they drove along the beach in her father's Aston Martin, with the sun slowly setting and everyone waving them off.
So, what I have learned is that not only do I want to get married in a church but I also want to get married to a girl so she can wear a lovely dress. Guys' suits are so borning.
Does that sound complex enough?
I also knew that it would involve seeing parents of old school friends and coming out to a bunch more people that I couldn't really be bothered with.
But instead, it wasn't about me, it was surprisingly enough about the couple getting married. It was the perfect day. I drove down with three other friends, got changed into our morning suits and sat in the church. It was the hottest day of the year so far and everyone was waving their programmes like we were in some Baptist church in the Deep South. I half expected someone to collapse in the aisle after being touched by God or perhaps more likely being overly de-hydrated.
As soon as the bride walked down the aisle, I surprised myself and began to cry. Sadly not the only time it happened that day.
We then moved to the bride's parent's garden and had drinks and dinner. There was then a speech where I cried again as the groom ran out of words to describe his new wife.
Later on they drove along the beach in her father's Aston Martin, with the sun slowly setting and everyone waving them off.
So, what I have learned is that not only do I want to get married in a church but I also want to get married to a girl so she can wear a lovely dress. Guys' suits are so borning.
Does that sound complex enough?
Thursday, 24 July 2008
Strangers in the Night
The other night I went to see Ladytron at Tottenham Court Road's Astoria. It was a gig they were supposed to do back in June but ironically the amp blew up during a track called Soft Power. Anyway they were very good and I enjoyed it.
What I enjoyed almost as much was the hot guy on the tube on my journey home. He was tall, broad, dark, wore a white T shirt and jeans with no belt which allowed for a flash of his white D&G pants every so often. This happened mostly when he leant against the glass in the vestibule area, squashing his T shirt up and showing his pants. Nice.
I was going to try and take a subtle photo as I figured that would be fun...and I was drunk. But when I realised the couple opposite had sussed what I was up to, I hesitated and missed my opportunity. He moved and sat down at the next stop. So all I got to take was this...
Still fun, no?
What I enjoyed almost as much was the hot guy on the tube on my journey home. He was tall, broad, dark, wore a white T shirt and jeans with no belt which allowed for a flash of his white D&G pants every so often. This happened mostly when he leant against the glass in the vestibule area, squashing his T shirt up and showing his pants. Nice.
I was going to try and take a subtle photo as I figured that would be fun...and I was drunk. But when I realised the couple opposite had sussed what I was up to, I hesitated and missed my opportunity. He moved and sat down at the next stop. So all I got to take was this...
Still fun, no?
Tuesday, 22 July 2008
So you had a bad day...
Never in my life did I think I would be referencing a Daniel Powter track. Eeessshh.... But today has been manic and it's not even a Monday.
Everything was fine at the weekend. Well, I say 'fine'. What I actually mean is that after all the excitement of Friday I had an epileptic fit, dropped my computer and no longer have internet at home. But that you already knew.
No today has been much worse. It started when I opened my account to 20 emails, all of them asking me to do stuff asap. Then I called someone who I thought was a technician and started slagging off the management. Only to realise I was in fact talking to management. They were very impressed. Not. They actually called me back ten minutes later asking me if I realised who I had been speaking to. Cue me talking rubbish hoping to cover my tracks.
The day shows no signs of getting better. Although I have signed myself up for My Single Friend so hopefully I might meet someone on there who I can hop into the sunset with.
What's worse, I am so stressed, I think this was a dull post. I should have spoken about my naked shoot which gets published today. That will have to come later.
Everything was fine at the weekend. Well, I say 'fine'. What I actually mean is that after all the excitement of Friday I had an epileptic fit, dropped my computer and no longer have internet at home. But that you already knew.
No today has been much worse. It started when I opened my account to 20 emails, all of them asking me to do stuff asap. Then I called someone who I thought was a technician and started slagging off the management. Only to realise I was in fact talking to management. They were very impressed. Not. They actually called me back ten minutes later asking me if I realised who I had been speaking to. Cue me talking rubbish hoping to cover my tracks.
The day shows no signs of getting better. Although I have signed myself up for My Single Friend so hopefully I might meet someone on there who I can hop into the sunset with.
What's worse, I am so stressed, I think this was a dull post. I should have spoken about my naked shoot which gets published today. That will have to come later.
Monday, 21 July 2008
My Trip to Paris
Annoyingly I had been writing pages and pages about all this during my time in Paris. It was intersting. Instead this Paris going to have to be all one post and I will probably only remember the basics which are usually the dull parts. Although you could argue no part of this trip was dull.
I had written my notes in France but since dropping my computer on Saturday, I no longer have a hard drive. So I no longer have my photos, my music, and well, my life. *throws head back in horror*
But basically last week was a blast. I got commissioned by a magazine to interview Francois Sagat, so rather than do it on the phone I figured I'd bunk off for the day and take off to Paris to meet him...in the flesh. Grrr...
I was like a giddy kid. I had first class transport there and then got lost on the Metro for about an hour. It is possibly the most baffling transport system in the world. Numbers AND colours? What's that about??
After an hour in Le Centre Pompidou I went to Les Arts Et Metiers. I was there an hour early so I could have a drink and be slightly more at ease for the interview. But I needn't have worried too much, I sat outside the bar and he just bounded over. I say bounded, as he was short and he just kinded of rolled over with all this positive energy.
I'm aware how wanky that last sentence sounded but my old boss' line always rings in my head before an interview, "Never interview a hero as you will always be disappointed." So it was nice to know this was not going to be one of those times. I could tell as he looked both ways and then ushered me across the road that it was going to be everything I had hoped.
Well this time it was far from disappointment. We talked about sex, the tattoo on his head, his porn career, Carla Bruni, modelling, what it's like getting pissed on, music, actresses, gay men and their divas and of course Britney, Lindsay and Madonna.
He would ask me questions and finish sentences with, in a deep French accent, 'Don't you think?' We high fived across the table as we both realised we had never had a real relationship.
Once it has been printed I will post more of it...
I had written my notes in France but since dropping my computer on Saturday, I no longer have a hard drive. So I no longer have my photos, my music, and well, my life. *throws head back in horror*
But basically last week was a blast. I got commissioned by a magazine to interview Francois Sagat, so rather than do it on the phone I figured I'd bunk off for the day and take off to Paris to meet him...in the flesh. Grrr...
I was like a giddy kid. I had first class transport there and then got lost on the Metro for about an hour. It is possibly the most baffling transport system in the world. Numbers AND colours? What's that about??
After an hour in Le Centre Pompidou I went to Les Arts Et Metiers. I was there an hour early so I could have a drink and be slightly more at ease for the interview. But I needn't have worried too much, I sat outside the bar and he just bounded over. I say bounded, as he was short and he just kinded of rolled over with all this positive energy.
I'm aware how wanky that last sentence sounded but my old boss' line always rings in my head before an interview, "Never interview a hero as you will always be disappointed." So it was nice to know this was not going to be one of those times. I could tell as he looked both ways and then ushered me across the road that it was going to be everything I had hoped.
Well this time it was far from disappointment. We talked about sex, the tattoo on his head, his porn career, Carla Bruni, modelling, what it's like getting pissed on, music, actresses, gay men and their divas and of course Britney, Lindsay and Madonna.
He would ask me questions and finish sentences with, in a deep French accent, 'Don't you think?' We high fived across the table as we both realised we had never had a real relationship.
Once it has been printed I will post more of it...
Thursday, 17 July 2008
Tuesday, 15 July 2008
Shopping
This evening I found myself walking down Oxford Street and saw that Zavvi had a sale on.
I went to investigate and found there was no order to anything. The shelves were a mess. The Very Best of Hall & Oates was next to Ricky Martin. The Greatest Hits of Blur nestled alongside countless copies of Prince's Dirty Mind and Jennifer Lopez Como Ama Una Mujer.
Curiously I may despise going through racks and racks of clothes but when it comes to CDs, I love looking through boxes, shelves, racks and any other kind of display unit. If it's a sale then ironically I tend to avoid the ones that are out on display as that would be too easy.
So today after a quick scan followed by a more thorough scan and then one final scan, I bought the following...
Ike & Tina Turner - River Deep Mountain High
Cat Power - The Greatest
Matmos - The Rose Has Teeth In The Mouth Of A Beast
Janet Jackson - All For You
Yes, I am a little embarassed by the last one, that is why I mentioned it last.
I went to investigate and found there was no order to anything. The shelves were a mess. The Very Best of Hall & Oates was next to Ricky Martin. The Greatest Hits of Blur nestled alongside countless copies of Prince's Dirty Mind and Jennifer Lopez Como Ama Una Mujer.
Curiously I may despise going through racks and racks of clothes but when it comes to CDs, I love looking through boxes, shelves, racks and any other kind of display unit. If it's a sale then ironically I tend to avoid the ones that are out on display as that would be too easy.
So today after a quick scan followed by a more thorough scan and then one final scan, I bought the following...
Ike & Tina Turner - River Deep Mountain High
Cat Power - The Greatest
Matmos - The Rose Has Teeth In The Mouth Of A Beast
Janet Jackson - All For You
Yes, I am a little embarassed by the last one, that is why I mentioned it last.
Monday, 14 July 2008
The new office
We moved office on Friday. This office has 90 people, plays Gill Scott Heron and has toilets that work. It has hot straight boys and people give you cake on a daily basis. We also have personal phone lines and get to leave our own voice mail messages.
I only had to say, "Hi this is ******* at ***-***, I'm out of the office right now but leave me a message and your number and I'll give you a call when I get back" but somehow it took me four attempts. Here's a picture from our office.
We also have some stuffed birds. Hurrah!
Here is a postcard **** gave me today to celebrate moving in.
We even have a Japanese store round the corner that sells Kawaii Japanese stuff. *** said I should buy some sunglasses but I pointed out that since Kanye west wore them in that video, everybody has been wearing them and they are no longer hip.
I only had to say, "Hi this is ******* at ***-***, I'm out of the office right now but leave me a message and your number and I'll give you a call when I get back" but somehow it took me four attempts. Here's a picture from our office.
We also have some stuffed birds. Hurrah!
Here is a postcard **** gave me today to celebrate moving in.
We even have a Japanese store round the corner that sells Kawaii Japanese stuff. *** said I should buy some sunglasses but I pointed out that since Kanye west wore them in that video, everybody has been wearing them and they are no longer hip.
If only it were true
Last night I dreamt that I suddenly received a text message from Girls Aloud saying, *note it was definitely all lower case* " of course you can come! unfortunately i only have ten places. love cheryl. xx"
It turned out it was an invite to her wedding. Except deep down I knew it couldn't be, as she is already married, and that actually it was an invite to Coleen and Wayne's wedding. But this did not stop me telling everyone that Cheryl had invited me to her wedding.
The invite said, "formal suits" so I was relieved that I didn't need to wear a morning suit. For some reason I was in a car park though and I wouldn't have had time to go home to get any clothes. As it turned out I had my brown suit in the car so I could wear that, but I had no shirt, and as i couldn't go home, I was walking round wearing just the waistcoat wondering if I looked ok. I didn't have the right shoes either.
But I saw a bunch of people I actually know in real life and was telling them all where I was going.
Then I started to stress about wedding presents. As can happen in dreams, I was suddenly in my Grandparents' house and was asking them if I could take something of theirs. Grandma gave me some weird vase thing, actually was it a lamp, I can't remember. But then I realised I was going to be late and I was trying to figure out how to wrap it up. I then remembered I had already bought them a present. It was a Beatrix Potter set. A set of what I'm not sure but a set nonetheless and I think it involved Hunker Munker.
Then I remember being in an old house, popssibly still my Grandparents's house, and there was a squeak. It turned out some woman behind a desk was stroking a mouse, which was strapped up with a wire. The woman then said, 'Number 37, sir? Just one second.' Then the mouse scuttled off down a pipe and apparently it went to connect the wire like a switchboard.
It's not over yet. Next thing I know I am outside a building and I can't stop screaming along to 'Sixteen Going On Seventeen.' I run along to where I don't know and realise I have forgtten something. i turn around and carry on singing it past a school trip who are standing outside the building. I then see Liszl and Rolf singing it and running into a conservatory.
The last part I am standing at a bar on a beach. There's a journalist there I know who looks very uncomfortable in a bikini. I order a rum and coke and the bartender thinks about asking me for ID. As I walk away I see a colleague I used to work with then I wake up.
But still singing 'Sixteen Going on Seventeen.'
It turned out it was an invite to her wedding. Except deep down I knew it couldn't be, as she is already married, and that actually it was an invite to Coleen and Wayne's wedding. But this did not stop me telling everyone that Cheryl had invited me to her wedding.
The invite said, "formal suits" so I was relieved that I didn't need to wear a morning suit. For some reason I was in a car park though and I wouldn't have had time to go home to get any clothes. As it turned out I had my brown suit in the car so I could wear that, but I had no shirt, and as i couldn't go home, I was walking round wearing just the waistcoat wondering if I looked ok. I didn't have the right shoes either.
But I saw a bunch of people I actually know in real life and was telling them all where I was going.
Then I started to stress about wedding presents. As can happen in dreams, I was suddenly in my Grandparents' house and was asking them if I could take something of theirs. Grandma gave me some weird vase thing, actually was it a lamp, I can't remember. But then I realised I was going to be late and I was trying to figure out how to wrap it up. I then remembered I had already bought them a present. It was a Beatrix Potter set. A set of what I'm not sure but a set nonetheless and I think it involved Hunker Munker.
Then I remember being in an old house, popssibly still my Grandparents's house, and there was a squeak. It turned out some woman behind a desk was stroking a mouse, which was strapped up with a wire. The woman then said, 'Number 37, sir? Just one second.' Then the mouse scuttled off down a pipe and apparently it went to connect the wire like a switchboard.
It's not over yet. Next thing I know I am outside a building and I can't stop screaming along to 'Sixteen Going On Seventeen.' I run along to where I don't know and realise I have forgtten something. i turn around and carry on singing it past a school trip who are standing outside the building. I then see Liszl and Rolf singing it and running into a conservatory.
The last part I am standing at a bar on a beach. There's a journalist there I know who looks very uncomfortable in a bikini. I order a rum and coke and the bartender thinks about asking me for ID. As I walk away I see a colleague I used to work with then I wake up.
But still singing 'Sixteen Going on Seventeen.'
Sunday, 13 July 2008
I need a diary
This evening I was expecting to see Stephanie McKay in concert. Instead I baked chocolate cornflake cakes for the office, did some washing and made spaghetti carbonara. Unfortunately I made too much spaghetti, or had too little sauce, either way it was a wholly unsatisfactory experience. But not wanting to throw it away I have saved the leftovers for lunch tomorrow. So I have that to look forward to...and chocolate cornflake cakes for dessert!
But, I digress, what I am trying to say is that the gig wasn't till next weekend.
This is a shame because I could have brought you more sterling footage captured courtesy of my mobile phone. But instead I'll show you a clip from Lykke Li performing at the ICA a couple of weeks ago.
Next week I will try to remember to take my camera.
But, I digress, what I am trying to say is that the gig wasn't till next weekend.
This is a shame because I could have brought you more sterling footage captured courtesy of my mobile phone. But instead I'll show you a clip from Lykke Li performing at the ICA a couple of weeks ago.
Next week I will try to remember to take my camera.
It's a Family Affair
This feels a bit of a shit title but really that's what it was - my cousin's 21st. There were 17 of us in this little pub in the middle of nowhere. I usually hate these sort of occasions as it involves lying about my sexuality, avoiding the fact that I write for gay magazines and just trying to be the model grandson. It's tedious but I don't think the grandparents would get it and I see them, like, four times a year so I can put on the show. That is, I'm sure, what they would rather see anyway.
One Christmas we went to my Grandma's for Boxing Day lunch. she has always been quite detatched and a little cold. She's had some seriously hard times in her life so I put it down to that but I never really get it. Anyway we were sitting round the dining room table, when we have the following converstaion...
ME: June (she hates 'Grandma'), do you still watch Eastenders?
June: Oh no, ever since they started dealing with incest and queers, I stopped watching.
I was firstly offended that a gay could make her stop watching a TV show but then I was doubly offended when a friend pointed out that she equated committing incest with being gay. Er....?
Anyway yesterday, completely out of the blue, she said to me, 'You are special, please let's arrange a meeting soon.'
I was very confused by the sudden warm gesture. At least I hope it was a warm gesture. I hope she didn't mean I was special, as in special needs.
And what about the word 'meeting'? What's with the formalities? What about tea and scones, cumcumber sandwiches and a slice of Battenburg?
Anyway, I'm now off to the gym, where rather than watching family dramas on the Eastenders omnibus, I will think about yesterday and all my own family dramas. As long as I don't end up crying on the exercise bike like I did three weeks ago while watching a Gwen Stefani video, we're ok. That really was tragic and does not need a repeat performance.
Then I am coming home to make cakes and then am seeing Stephanie McKay at Dingwalls.
In the meantime here is a Blondie video apropos of nothing...
One Christmas we went to my Grandma's for Boxing Day lunch. she has always been quite detatched and a little cold. She's had some seriously hard times in her life so I put it down to that but I never really get it. Anyway we were sitting round the dining room table, when we have the following converstaion...
ME: June (she hates 'Grandma'), do you still watch Eastenders?
June: Oh no, ever since they started dealing with incest and queers, I stopped watching.
I was firstly offended that a gay could make her stop watching a TV show but then I was doubly offended when a friend pointed out that she equated committing incest with being gay. Er....?
Anyway yesterday, completely out of the blue, she said to me, 'You are special, please let's arrange a meeting soon.'
I was very confused by the sudden warm gesture. At least I hope it was a warm gesture. I hope she didn't mean I was special, as in special needs.
And what about the word 'meeting'? What's with the formalities? What about tea and scones, cumcumber sandwiches and a slice of Battenburg?
Anyway, I'm now off to the gym, where rather than watching family dramas on the Eastenders omnibus, I will think about yesterday and all my own family dramas. As long as I don't end up crying on the exercise bike like I did three weeks ago while watching a Gwen Stefani video, we're ok. That really was tragic and does not need a repeat performance.
Then I am coming home to make cakes and then am seeing Stephanie McKay at Dingwalls.
In the meantime here is a Blondie video apropos of nothing...
Friday, 11 July 2008
In my day insults were insults
Some kids just have no idea, do they?
Tonight I left Sainsbury's Finchley Road, weighed down with my shopping including a Chinese Stir-Fry, some Sainsburys Washing Tablets and two pints of semi-skimmed milk when just to give me that added boost, it started to piss it down.
I walked quicker and overtook three kids in their grey tracksuits, with their hoods pulled up. One said, "Good day to wear a T shirt, hey?"
Hoodie Number Two said, "That's so bad."
Oh, sorry, was that supposed to be an insult? I must have missed it.
The first one then said, "What's he going to do? Put down his handbag?" First of all it was my gym bag not a handbag and second of all, is that truly the best they could come up with?
I didn't retort as it wasn't even worthy of a comeback...plus I couldn't think of one quick enough. :(
Tonight I left Sainsbury's Finchley Road, weighed down with my shopping including a Chinese Stir-Fry, some Sainsburys Washing Tablets and two pints of semi-skimmed milk when just to give me that added boost, it started to piss it down.
I walked quicker and overtook three kids in their grey tracksuits, with their hoods pulled up. One said, "Good day to wear a T shirt, hey?"
Hoodie Number Two said, "That's so bad."
Oh, sorry, was that supposed to be an insult? I must have missed it.
The first one then said, "What's he going to do? Put down his handbag?" First of all it was my gym bag not a handbag and second of all, is that truly the best they could come up with?
I didn't retort as it wasn't even worthy of a comeback...plus I couldn't think of one quick enough. :(
James
This post will be very annoying as I am currently lacking a shift key and not all the keys work. Suck is life, or even such is life, in a new office with a makeshift computer.
About two weeks ago I slept with a guy called James. He came back and stayed at mine and although he seemed a nice guy, in the morning I was ready for him to leave. But he wasn't. Being really hung over, tired and unable to get involved in a converstaion, I said, 'I'm going to put on some music.'
Big mistake.
James then talked to me in depth about his music career and how he had recently performed at a bar in Soho. He showed me his MySpace but it wasn't really my bag.
Instead I told him I needed to get up and go to the gym so he left.
Then this week, I was clearing out my emails when I found an email from a year and a half ago saying, 'Hey Michael, it was great to meet you last night, as promised here is my MySpace address - www.myspace.com/**********. Thanks, James.'
Yes it was the same James.
What's weirder still, is that he's tracked me down on Facebook and added me as a friend. He's also asked me to be a member of his group.
I was happy for the friend request but I drew the line at joining his group. I figured he wouldn't notice so I clicked 'decline.' The next day I logged on and he had asked me again!
Now the invite is just sitting there being left unanswered. I am unsure what to do.
About two weeks ago I slept with a guy called James. He came back and stayed at mine and although he seemed a nice guy, in the morning I was ready for him to leave. But he wasn't. Being really hung over, tired and unable to get involved in a converstaion, I said, 'I'm going to put on some music.'
Big mistake.
James then talked to me in depth about his music career and how he had recently performed at a bar in Soho. He showed me his MySpace but it wasn't really my bag.
Instead I told him I needed to get up and go to the gym so he left.
Then this week, I was clearing out my emails when I found an email from a year and a half ago saying, 'Hey Michael, it was great to meet you last night, as promised here is my MySpace address - www.myspace.com/**********. Thanks, James.'
Yes it was the same James.
What's weirder still, is that he's tracked me down on Facebook and added me as a friend. He's also asked me to be a member of his group.
I was happy for the friend request but I drew the line at joining his group. I figured he wouldn't notice so I clicked 'decline.' The next day I logged on and he had asked me again!
Now the invite is just sitting there being left unanswered. I am unsure what to do.
Would you...?
OK, so this was fun the first time but our computer has just screwed up and we have lost it all. So it may be a little less funny the second time.
We have just moved office and while other people are seting up their computers, cleaning their desks and christening the toilets me and a good friend are discussing the merits of being Barbra Streisand's daughter.
ME: Would you lose a toe to be Barbra Streisand's daughter?
RL: No.
ME: Would you bear an unsightly scar on your left arse cheek to be Barbra Streisand's daughter?
RL: It's a no to all disabilities.
ME: Would you give up being the godmother to your best friend's unborn daugter to be Barbra Streisand's daughter?
RL: Hell, yeah!
ME: We have a winner.
We have just moved office and while other people are seting up their computers, cleaning their desks and christening the toilets me and a good friend are discussing the merits of being Barbra Streisand's daughter.
ME: Would you lose a toe to be Barbra Streisand's daughter?
RL: No.
ME: Would you bear an unsightly scar on your left arse cheek to be Barbra Streisand's daughter?
RL: It's a no to all disabilities.
ME: Would you give up being the godmother to your best friend's unborn daugter to be Barbra Streisand's daughter?
RL: Hell, yeah!
ME: We have a winner.
Thursday, 10 July 2008
Am I homophobic?
Over the last few weeks this ad has been causing a WHOLE load of controversy...
There seem to be two opinions on this:
- that it is promoting homosexuality and offensive to people. It means that parents may have to explain to their children why two men are kissing.
- that it is not offensive, that is just a bit of harmless fun and was only intended to be amusing. If it encourages people to talk to their children about adults' relationships then so much the better although seeing as it was specifically shown after the watershed, it is likely no kids would have seen it.
Anyway I find myself torn between the two. I may be a gay man but I feel that if parents want to teach their kids about being gay then that is great but it is their option, they shouldn't be forced. That said, the ad is hardly representing a gay relationship.
Ultimately, what I feel is, that both parties just need to chill the fuck out.
With this however I hold no sympathy. I feel they give gays a bad name.
Bad gays!!
There seem to be two opinions on this:
- that it is promoting homosexuality and offensive to people. It means that parents may have to explain to their children why two men are kissing.
- that it is not offensive, that is just a bit of harmless fun and was only intended to be amusing. If it encourages people to talk to their children about adults' relationships then so much the better although seeing as it was specifically shown after the watershed, it is likely no kids would have seen it.
Anyway I find myself torn between the two. I may be a gay man but I feel that if parents want to teach their kids about being gay then that is great but it is their option, they shouldn't be forced. That said, the ad is hardly representing a gay relationship.
Ultimately, what I feel is, that both parties just need to chill the fuck out.
With this however I hold no sympathy. I feel they give gays a bad name.
Bad gays!!
"This explains so much"
Last night I was out with people from work when we started reminiscing about childhood toys. I remembered how I used to have a hoard of trolls who all had realtionships with each other, which invariably involved affairs, bastard children and even the odd spot of incest. The girls then confessed that the things they had their Ken do to Barbie would make them blush now.
I recalled how my Ultimate Warrior doll eloped with Lisa Simpson. The two ran away against Homer's approval and got married. It was then that we all started talking about wrestlers and I explained how I had loads of the cards on my wall in a chart of who was my favourite. Needless to say Ultimate Warrior never moved from the much coveted top spot.
Back then I always liked the bright colours but now I can see an uncanny resemblance between my Ultimate Warrior doll who looked like this...
and possibly my biggest crush of all time who looks a little like this...
*Does best Carrie Bradhaw impression* Could it really be that the toys we play with as a child define what we find attractive as an adult?
My other guilty pleasure who I actually remember finding attractive, age 10, is this fella, The Million Dolar Man.
I recalled how my Ultimate Warrior doll eloped with Lisa Simpson. The two ran away against Homer's approval and got married. It was then that we all started talking about wrestlers and I explained how I had loads of the cards on my wall in a chart of who was my favourite. Needless to say Ultimate Warrior never moved from the much coveted top spot.
Back then I always liked the bright colours but now I can see an uncanny resemblance between my Ultimate Warrior doll who looked like this...
and possibly my biggest crush of all time who looks a little like this...
*Does best Carrie Bradhaw impression* Could it really be that the toys we play with as a child define what we find attractive as an adult?
My other guilty pleasure who I actually remember finding attractive, age 10, is this fella, The Million Dolar Man.
Wednesday, 9 July 2008
Ways to tell I'm drunk No. 19, 433
Tonight I asked my Mum if she wore some S&M rubber boots to Wisley flower show before telling her I had a monster crush on a porn star.
Oh Happy Day!
Things have got better today. It seems like my career is not in the crapper. There is light at the end of the tunnel. The dark cloud has a silver lining. *Insert your own cliché here*
Here is the first song that sprang to mind, but like yesterday's, besides the title, it has absolutely nothing to do with me. But Elvis sure is one cool muthaf*cka.
Here is the first song that sprang to mind, but like yesterday's, besides the title, it has absolutely nothing to do with me. But Elvis sure is one cool muthaf*cka.
What I gotta do to get you to want my body?
On Thursday night I posed naked for a magazine. Don't go thinking I am a model though. My body looks kind of OK in my bedroom mirror with the side lamp on. Beyond that, not so much.
But when the magazine said, 'We need five guys to strip but cover their crotch,' I figured, 'Why not? It's not every day you get asked to do it and it'll be something I can look back on....or burn and never see again.'
So, I went to the shoot and told the guy who was organising it to bring alcohol. He brought one beer. I downed it. It still had no effect.
Stripped of everything besides my inhibitions, I awkwardly stood in front of the camera.
The photographer told me how to pose but had it been America's Next Top Model, Jay Manuel would have bitch-slapped me.
He kept telling me to roll my shoulders, I'm guessing to hide the belly, and then he told me to reach up in the air, I'm guessing to hide the man breasts. :(
But the pics come out on 22nd July so I guess we'll see then.
Here's a sneak preview. Hot, no?
But when the magazine said, 'We need five guys to strip but cover their crotch,' I figured, 'Why not? It's not every day you get asked to do it and it'll be something I can look back on....or burn and never see again.'
So, I went to the shoot and told the guy who was organising it to bring alcohol. He brought one beer. I downed it. It still had no effect.
Stripped of everything besides my inhibitions, I awkwardly stood in front of the camera.
The photographer told me how to pose but had it been America's Next Top Model, Jay Manuel would have bitch-slapped me.
He kept telling me to roll my shoulders, I'm guessing to hide the belly, and then he told me to reach up in the air, I'm guessing to hide the man breasts. :(
But the pics come out on 22nd July so I guess we'll see then.
Here's a sneak preview. Hot, no?
Tuesday, 8 July 2008
A Bad Day
I have had a bad day. I don't wanna talk about it. Oh, that's a song. Let's have a listen...
What have we learned?
Well, besides the title, that song had absolutely nothing to do with my day.
But it was pretty, so that's ok.
What have we learned?
Well, besides the title, that song had absolutely nothing to do with my day.
But it was pretty, so that's ok.
What's on my phone?
After months of thinking I must do it, I finally cleared a load of stuff off my phone today. Shall we see what was on it?
Firstly I have a photo from an installation (is that the right word?) of an artist at the ICA. His 'piece' consisted of entering a room wearing a spiderman face mask, then approaching a tent in the middle of the room, opening its flaps and then letting us see a giant hare inside dressed in the same jacket and mask.
He then took out a motocycle helmet and for twenty minutes drilled holes in it before finally filling it with strawberries and salt. Then he walked away.
I didn't get it.
Next up I have a picture of a good friend riding an elephant.
As for the rest, well, I feel it should carry the following title...
WARNING: Gay Overload!
First up was possibly the only 42 seconds I saw of Dolly at her O2 gig on Saturday.
I am not good at video-ing on my mobile and couldn't figure out which way I was supposed to hold it.
You can tilt your head to the left for ten seconds, or wait, the view doesn't get much better either way.
Next are some photos from the great Supremes exhibition at the V & A that is currently on. I would have bought a Love Child T shirt but it had a very narrow collar and I have strange feelings towards T shirts with narrow collars.
And there you go. That is what was on my phone.
Firstly I have a photo from an installation (is that the right word?) of an artist at the ICA. His 'piece' consisted of entering a room wearing a spiderman face mask, then approaching a tent in the middle of the room, opening its flaps and then letting us see a giant hare inside dressed in the same jacket and mask.
He then took out a motocycle helmet and for twenty minutes drilled holes in it before finally filling it with strawberries and salt. Then he walked away.
I didn't get it.
Next up I have a picture of a good friend riding an elephant.
As for the rest, well, I feel it should carry the following title...
WARNING: Gay Overload!
First up was possibly the only 42 seconds I saw of Dolly at her O2 gig on Saturday.
I am not good at video-ing on my mobile and couldn't figure out which way I was supposed to hold it.
You can tilt your head to the left for ten seconds, or wait, the view doesn't get much better either way.
Next are some photos from the great Supremes exhibition at the V & A that is currently on. I would have bought a Love Child T shirt but it had a very narrow collar and I have strange feelings towards T shirts with narrow collars.
And there you go. That is what was on my phone.
Monday, 7 July 2008
Tube Journey (if my Mac had a hash, I'd use it here) 1
I made my way from Leicester Square and headed to Baker Street. On my tube were...
Two teenagers who looked like they could have been in Alphabeat. They were dancing.
A Chinese guy who was dancing with them. I couldn't decide if he was with them or copying them in that slightly socially awkward manner some Chinese people have.
There was also a middle age couple standing in the ahem, *adopts best Kath (& Kim) accent* vestibule. But they look awkward with all the dancing and move further down the tube.
Sitting down was an American couple. Although they are not talking I can tell they are American as they wear white trainers, white socks, green khaki cargo shorts, Ralph Lauren polo shirts and a backpack on both shoulders.
I stand by the window. I would like to say it is so i can observe everyone better but it is actually so I can fart and not be noticed.
I also pick up the paper and today it says this...
Libra
Don't keep saying it's OK, Libra, not if it really isn't. If you wear that forced smile too often, people will start to believe it's the real thing, and they won't necessarily be on hand to help out when you really need them. You know what they say about a problem shared...It's not always true, but it is on this occasion.
Two teenagers who looked like they could have been in Alphabeat. They were dancing.
A Chinese guy who was dancing with them. I couldn't decide if he was with them or copying them in that slightly socially awkward manner some Chinese people have.
There was also a middle age couple standing in the ahem, *adopts best Kath (& Kim) accent* vestibule. But they look awkward with all the dancing and move further down the tube.
Sitting down was an American couple. Although they are not talking I can tell they are American as they wear white trainers, white socks, green khaki cargo shorts, Ralph Lauren polo shirts and a backpack on both shoulders.
I stand by the window. I would like to say it is so i can observe everyone better but it is actually so I can fart and not be noticed.
I also pick up the paper and today it says this...
Libra
Don't keep saying it's OK, Libra, not if it really isn't. If you wear that forced smile too often, people will start to believe it's the real thing, and they won't necessarily be on hand to help out when you really need them. You know what they say about a problem shared...It's not always true, but it is on this occasion.
A word to the wise
If anyone ever comes up to you and says, 'Hey would you mind designing me a crossword? It has to be for girls 10-14 and be about films. But the answers can't be anything to do with actors or actresses.'
Don't even think about it. Just say, 'No'. It's not big, it's not clever and by no means is it any fun. On any level.
:(
Don't even think about it. Just say, 'No'. It's not big, it's not clever and by no means is it any fun. On any level.
:(
Is anybody out there?
It's only the first day and already I'm thinking why am I writing this? Who should it be for? Why would anyone be interested?
On MySpace, I get it. I can customise my own profile, add friends, put music on it and there's a real sense of just doing it for myself. Whereas on here I feel there are so many other blogs that why would anyone give a shit about this one.
But I've decided that the one thing it is not going to do is turn into a gay self-loathing, over analytical, sob story because they are not fun to read. Just see this one as a point of reference.
So this is going to be a place for me to write and if people like it then great and if not then there will be a box saying something like,
'Readers = 0'.
PS I was going to call this one, 'Papa, can you hear me?' but felt that that was far too melodramatic. Especially for only my third post.
On MySpace, I get it. I can customise my own profile, add friends, put music on it and there's a real sense of just doing it for myself. Whereas on here I feel there are so many other blogs that why would anyone give a shit about this one.
But I've decided that the one thing it is not going to do is turn into a gay self-loathing, over analytical, sob story because they are not fun to read. Just see this one as a point of reference.
So this is going to be a place for me to write and if people like it then great and if not then there will be a box saying something like,
'Readers = 0'.
PS I was going to call this one, 'Papa, can you hear me?' but felt that that was far too melodramatic. Especially for only my third post.
Here you come again, and here I go...
Last Saturday I shunned Gay Pride as I felt it was too gay. Instead I went to see Dolly Parton at the O2, with...er, a bunch of gays. At least I tried to.
I figured Dolly would have a support act so I could afford to not be there when the gates opened at the early time of 6:30pm. I spent the afternoon at a friends, showing her my Myspace profile and in particular the videos of Mariah slating Madonna, Millie Jackson performing Slow Tongue and the beginning of Dr Snuggles. Being a mother she was not too familiar with the site so I was more than happy talking about myself.
But just as I was showing her Francois Sagat dancing in a field to Britney Spears, I suddenly realised that the whole summer daylight thing had tricked me and it was actually 7:30pm. So I run down Wimbledon Hill and jump on a train. I walk through the carriage on to the next one as this one contains a bunch of drunken people coming back from the races.
I start fretting that I might not make it. We finally arrive at Waterloo and I race to the clipper that my friend has booked for me. It was supposed to be a relaxed evening as we er...'clipped'(?) down the thames. Instead I have a sweaty back and am thinking I have waited many many years to hear Dolly sing Jolene and I might just miss it.
I arrive at the clipper. It is running 20 minutes late and takes 40 minutes to get there. I curse and run back to Waterloo where I am told I must wait for a bus as the train is out. My sweat patch grows a bit bigger.
I wait 20 minutes for the bus then spend 30 minutes as it trapses round the arse end of nowhere and finally arrives at the O2.
It's windy outside and as I walk in to get my ticket stamped my eyes become teary. the security guys look at me like, 'Are you crying because you arrived later to see Dolly Parton?' I am embarassed.
I come in a side door and the whole of the auditorium is silent. Dolly is singing Little Sparrow, a little screechily, but acapella. I try to find my seat but realise it is in the middle of a row and everyone would have to get up for me, including the fat drunk man at the end of the aisle. I see a seat spare on the end and perch there.
Next she sings Here You Come Again, 9 to 5 and I Will Always Love you, then she says 'Goodnight, London' and walks off. I realise I have arrived in time for the encore...and that is it.
I leave feeling sad and see all the gays holding hands saying, 'Oh my God, she was amazing. I love her outfits and her hair!' 'I know she sounded great!' I was very upset. I went home and felt like crying.
I missed Jolene. So I shall post it here in memoriam.
I figured Dolly would have a support act so I could afford to not be there when the gates opened at the early time of 6:30pm. I spent the afternoon at a friends, showing her my Myspace profile and in particular the videos of Mariah slating Madonna, Millie Jackson performing Slow Tongue and the beginning of Dr Snuggles. Being a mother she was not too familiar with the site so I was more than happy talking about myself.
But just as I was showing her Francois Sagat dancing in a field to Britney Spears, I suddenly realised that the whole summer daylight thing had tricked me and it was actually 7:30pm. So I run down Wimbledon Hill and jump on a train. I walk through the carriage on to the next one as this one contains a bunch of drunken people coming back from the races.
I start fretting that I might not make it. We finally arrive at Waterloo and I race to the clipper that my friend has booked for me. It was supposed to be a relaxed evening as we er...'clipped'(?) down the thames. Instead I have a sweaty back and am thinking I have waited many many years to hear Dolly sing Jolene and I might just miss it.
I arrive at the clipper. It is running 20 minutes late and takes 40 minutes to get there. I curse and run back to Waterloo where I am told I must wait for a bus as the train is out. My sweat patch grows a bit bigger.
I wait 20 minutes for the bus then spend 30 minutes as it trapses round the arse end of nowhere and finally arrives at the O2.
It's windy outside and as I walk in to get my ticket stamped my eyes become teary. the security guys look at me like, 'Are you crying because you arrived later to see Dolly Parton?' I am embarassed.
I come in a side door and the whole of the auditorium is silent. Dolly is singing Little Sparrow, a little screechily, but acapella. I try to find my seat but realise it is in the middle of a row and everyone would have to get up for me, including the fat drunk man at the end of the aisle. I see a seat spare on the end and perch there.
Next she sings Here You Come Again, 9 to 5 and I Will Always Love you, then she says 'Goodnight, London' and walks off. I realise I have arrived in time for the encore...and that is it.
I leave feeling sad and see all the gays holding hands saying, 'Oh my God, she was amazing. I love her outfits and her hair!' 'I know she sounded great!' I was very upset. I went home and felt like crying.
I missed Jolene. So I shall post it here in memoriam.
Do you remember the first time?
Here I am again. The first post. What to write?
Well, here's an introduction. I've been writing my blog on Myspace for well over two years now and only recently have I realised how much I enjoy having it in my life. I used to put my work up there which I'm not really sure I was supposed to do, as well as write about the general happenings in my life whether it be sleeping with a boy named James, touching knees in the cinema with my all time #1 crush without him realising or problems I still have dealing with my father dying when I was 9. I like to think it was more fun than this sounds though.
Anyway I was at a shoot the other day when I met a real life blogger. I checked his out last night, felt inspired and thought, 'Hey, why not just do my own?' So here I am. I feel we should celebrate this with a completely gratuitous picture of Francois Sagat.
Hurrah!
Well, here's an introduction. I've been writing my blog on Myspace for well over two years now and only recently have I realised how much I enjoy having it in my life. I used to put my work up there which I'm not really sure I was supposed to do, as well as write about the general happenings in my life whether it be sleeping with a boy named James, touching knees in the cinema with my all time #1 crush without him realising or problems I still have dealing with my father dying when I was 9. I like to think it was more fun than this sounds though.
Anyway I was at a shoot the other day when I met a real life blogger. I checked his out last night, felt inspired and thought, 'Hey, why not just do my own?' So here I am. I feel we should celebrate this with a completely gratuitous picture of Francois Sagat.
Hurrah!
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